Divorce is difficult time for everyone. The couple go through a series of emotional and psychological changes and adjust to the new life. But apart from the parents, the effect of divorce on children is equally painful. Sometimes it can get out of control as children behave differently in different situations.
Being a teenager can be tough. They are neither kids nor adults and sometimes they act differently because of this. And when the parents get divorced, the effect is unique for each teenager.
Adjustment problems
Research has shown that in the first two years after divorce, teenagers have a hard time coping up with the truth. Adjustment becomes difficult and they show varied behaviors. But as time passes, the situation becomes better. They accept the fact that their parents won’t be together anymore and start adjusting to the new life. Most of the teenagers won’t face any negative effects when they grow up.
Emotional and psychological effects
Children have pure emotions and they show what they feel. But in teenagers, it may not always be the same. Witnessing a divorce can be tough for them. They sometimes show an outburst of emotions or don’t show anything at all. As kids, they’ve looked up to their parents as role models and the behavior of parents affects them. If parents use criticism to deal with a certain problem during a divorce, then automatically teenagers feel that criticism is a tool to handle such situations. Similarly, other emotions like anger and fear become a common part of their daily routine to deal with problems.
Feeling distress during a hostile environment is not exclusive to teenagers. It is what each of us do when put in similar situations. When teens witness, their family falling apart, they too feel distressed. Psychological studies show that blood pressure and heart rate increases in children who witness adults fighting. Over time the psychology changes and can result in negative results.
Effect on academic performance
Teens undergoing psychological and emotional changes have a hard time concentrating on their academic performance. So, naturally, their grades go down. This is very evident in intelligent children who have fared better than their peers in school. The drop in grades is due to emotional problems and not due to emotions. Even teachers find it hard to teach teens undergoing emotional issues. With more and more parents getting divorced each year, the number of such teens are increasing.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce can be very traumatic for you and your spouse, both on the emotional and financial front. If you feel that not everything is bad between you and your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to seek counseling before filing for a divorce.
Divorce therapy is sought by many couples heading for divorce and has helped many save their marriage. It is provided on individual basis. If you are going through a divorce right now then it is natural that you will experience a range of emotions like guilt, grief and anxiety.
How marriage counseling works
California has many professional divorce counselors and they provide a range of service for their clients. They even help choosing the right one for you. If you are selecting a counselor, then there are certain factors that you need to consider. Choose someone who holds a proper license and who has had experience in dealing with such issues. Read testimonials from clients and ask your friends and family to help you.
Benefits of marital counseling
A marital counseling will help you resolve conflicts between you and your spouse in a healthy way. You will learn to communicate effectively with your spouse and it will also help you listen to his/her side of the story.
You will start understanding the problems of your spouse and vice versa.
You will learn to be assertive while not being offensive towards your spouse. Both of you must to be able to talk about your issues without the fear of hurting the other person. You will slowly realize that not every problem can be resolved through fights and sudden outbursts of emotions.
You will build the ability to work through problem and unresolved issues in your marriage. Marriage counseling provides an environment where you can express yourself without expressing anger or unhappiness. In time, you might realize that your spouse is understanding and is also willing to do the same thing as you. It might also be the reverse where your spouse is not willing to work out anything. If that is the case, then there is not much that you can do but at least you will know that you’ve tried.
You will start seeing your spouse in a new light. This will help you understand him/her and the reasons for getting a divorce. If your spouse is willing to undergo the same thing, then chances are high that your marriage can be saved.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce is never easy, regardless of the age and financial status of the couple. They can however, be amicable and end with suitable conditions for both parties. This might be hard to believe but it is a possibility. Couples go through a lot during their marriages and even after that. Here are a few key factors to focus on when going through a divorce:
Acknowledging the failure of the marriage
If there are any hopes of getting through a divorce amicably, both partners have to acknowledge that things aren’t working. This is a very difficult fact to accept as couples are more likely to want to keep working on a marriage. Over 48% of American marriages end in divorce for different reasons.
Infidelity, past conflicts and financial situations all take a toll on the marriage and partners tend to drift apart. The problem is, even after years of trying, partners refuse to accept defeat. Moreover, acknowledging the fact that the marriage isn’t going to work will put both partners on the same page and make divorce proceedings easier.
Counseling
Just because both of you have admitted that the marriage is coming to an end, doesn’t mean that there are no issues. Counseling helps reduce the tension and both partners get a chance to air out their feelings, outside of a formal setting. Sometimes, counseling can even help couples reconnect and make them want to stay together. In other cases however, the counselor acts as an impartial party for conflict resolution. It helps both parties stay civil and sane throughout the long process of ending a marriage.
Have set rules
Once the divorce has come through, former partners have to see each other regularly. Children, mutual friends, family relations all mean that both partners have to meet after separation. The key to being amicable during this process is to have rules about the new people in each others lives, arguments and children. These are usually formed during therapy and stop partners from resenting each other for the rest of their lives. Constant conflict often results in serious implications for everyone involved, especially children.
In the end, an amicable divorce is not about solving all arguments 100% and moving on, it’s about learning to have controlled arguments and focus on a mutual solution rather than being right.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It is like the lull after a tempestuous storm. The constant disagreements, inexplicable yelling, and the perpetual abhorrence have all been finally put to an end. After a prolonged financially, physically, and mentally draining litigation, your divorce petition has been granted. Now, you have all the time in the world to live for yourself, and enjoy every bit of it with the utmost freedom and peace.
The question now is, how are you supposed to ignore that searing pain inside your heart, that massive void in your life, and the glaring truth that the life and happiness you once dreamt of, is no more? All that energy that you devoted into nurturing your relationship has turned into the drab negativity that now surrounds you. The dreams, hope, and plans that you once shared with your partner have all been shattered and vanished into thin air.
As per the physiology-experts world-over, the most effective way to deal with this post-divorce trauma and depression is to consult a therapist. There are several ways in which therapy can help you deal with the stress after a separation.
Helps you mourn your loss
No matter how unhappy you were in the relationship with your partner, a divorce still marks an enormous loss of your emotional, as well as financial well-being. Most of us tend to mask our emotions by sweeping them under the table, and going on with our usual life as if nothing has happened. However, when in grief, it is best advised to let go of your past and move on. Therapy teaches you the significance of mourning, in achieving a closure.
Helps you get rid of your emotional baggage
Therapy helps you get through the tough times by teaching you how to deal with your pent-up emotions. Suppressing your feelings, can wreak havoc on your system and end up making your situation worse than before. Therapists make use of behavioral and cognitive techniques, to help you release all the negativity filled inside you, and make space for fresh feelings of peace and cheerfulness.
Helps you discover a new you
After a failed marriage, most of the people end up belittling and despising themselves. More often than not, they form a distorted image of themselves and make up their mind that they are good for nothing. Therapy can help such people, realize the importance of human life, and also help them rediscover and reinvent themselves, for leading a better life.
The truth is that it is extremely hard to acknowledge the life after a painful divorce. With each passing days, it becomes exceeding difficult to deal with the unending loop of emptiness and distress. However, professional help, from someone who truly cares for you, can help you recover from your loss and give a whole new meaning to your life.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Most of you might be aware of the five stages of grief that have been often cited in psychological studies as the basis of all human response to anguish. Those of you, going through the distressful times of a divorce or a legal separation, might benefit from having a sound understanding of what emotional turbulence you are about to witness.
1. Denial
The denial stage is the starting point of the emotional roller coaster, which you will experience throughout and after your divorce proceedings. It is a stage wherein you would be aware of the issues at hand, but end up dispensing them as irrelevant to your life. It is a coping mechanism of your brain that protects you from getting overwhelmed at the very beginning of an emotional disaster. However, you must understand that living in a perpetual denial of the situation, is extremely harmful for your psyche, and that you must, at one point, acknowledge your grief.
2. Anger
When you move on from denial and enter into the anger stage, you tend to be emotionally vocal about your feelings of contempt and disdain for your spouse. It is period of conflict, wherein you end up blaming your partner for everything that goes downhill in your life. The anger stage is quite healthy from a psychological point of view, owing to the fact that it helps you release you pent up emotions.
3. Bargaining
Next in line is the bargaining stage, wherein you realize that you cannot cope up with the emotional trauma of your present life, and want to go back to your initial days with your spouse. In a last ditch attempt to make up with your partner, you tend to rethink your decision of taking a divorce, multiple times.
4. Depression
If you are one of those thousand who decide to go ahead with your divorce, post the bargaining stage, you might find yourself in a perpetual sea of sadness, all the time. You might end up feeling debilitated and devoid of any hope and happiness in life. It is extremely important at this stage, to surround yourselves with people you love, get therapy and indulge in your passions, to distract yourself from the anguish of the inevitable.
5. Acceptance
The ultimate culmination of all that emotional turmoil and drama is the feeling of acceptance, which finally dawns upon you. You finally see that light at the end of the tunnel, and are ready to accept the harsh reality of life. The acceptance stage often marks the end of your grieving, and gives you hope for a better tomorrow.
You might feel exhausted by the time you finally accept your fate and decide to move on. However, it is utmost important to understand that a divorce is not the end of your life. Instead, it marks the beginning of a better one.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It definitely isn’t easy handling life after a divorce. After having spent a significant amount of time with that person, it is a huge change physically, mentally and emotionally to move on in life knowing that the person will not be a part of your life anymore but also knowing that the memories and times you’ve shared together will remain forever and will be hard to erase.
How to help yourself or help someone else while going through a divorce
Having a strong support group of family and friends while going through a divorce can really help pull you out of that rut. if you are going through a divorce or if you know somebody who is going through a divorce there are a lot of different ways to deal with it without resorting to substance abuse or falling into depression. Here are a few positive ways to handle a divorce –
Start seeing a therapist or counselor – there is absolutely nothing wrong in seeking some help from an expert while handling a divorce. Having someone leave you or leaving someone can come as a real shock and a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist will have the training, knowledge and experience to help you get through these tough times.
Love yourself – never stop loving yourself, your mind and your body, as your self-esteem can get pretty low after a divorce. Keep telling yourself how much you love yourself every day and do things that make you happy. Eat your favorite foods, pamper yourself at a spa and shower yourself with love, positive vibes, and strong energy.
Start working – if you weren’t working during the marriage then get a job that you love or that you’re qualified for as soon as possible to get your mind off the divorce. Working and earning your own money will give you a sense of independence emotionally and financially and will give you reassurance that you don’t need a spouse to rely on for anything. You might even make a few good friends at the new workplace. Meeting people every day is important to prevent you from going into a possible state of clinical depression.
Don’t shut yourself out completely to the idea of dating again – sure, you may need some time to yourself right after a divorce but don’t shy away from the possibility of finding love again. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and if someone is showing a love interest in you, don’t hesitate to go out on a date with them. If you need to take time in the new relationship, given the divorce, be honest and open with them about it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
While filing for a formal divorce might not be the most pleasant thing, it however becomes absolutely paramount at times. There are factors though that might make a significant dent in your pocket during the divorce process. Five such factors are listed below:
Complex financial property: Divorce could be particularly taxing on a couple when large and complex financial property is involved. In order to decipher the exact division of such property, financial experts need to be employed. Also, a large amount of negotiation and mediation might be required to find out a tenable and viable division of the property. This happens especially when a certain property is indivisible. Also, dividing the property might result in increased taxes.
Absence of unanimity on decisions concerning child custody: When both the parties become hostile on the issue of child custody, the procedure for divorce becomes automatically more expensive. Educational and medical decisions pertaining to the child also become apples of discord between the warring parties. Since, the parties might be justified in their demands, a decision might be all that difficult for the court to take and consequently the process might turn out to be rather expensive.
One of the parties harp on making everything hard: While you and your attorney might be all too reasonable with your provisions, there is very little you could do to check your spouse from turning everything into a difficult exercise. Your partner might want to take advantages of the all the existing laws and thus the process might turn out to be an expensive one for you.
Fighting over property that hardly matters: If you or your spouse decides to fight on a property that hardly matters, you could be doling out a lot of disservice to yourself. The cost to fight for the property might be more than the cost of the property itself. Remember, you might be complicating the process and might end up spending a lot more than what you were actually supposed to spend.
A conviction that a procedural delay might resurrect the marriage: It is important to let go when filing for a divorce. Merely delaying the process to make the other partner understand the value of the marriage is simply a waste of time and money. At the end, you would grow poorer and the divorce would invariably take place anyways.
Therefore, parties going through a divorce should consider divorce mediation as a much more cost-effective method of resolving their issues more quickly and out of the court system.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
One of the hardest things to do in life is parting way with things that you cherished, loved and spent time with. The same is the case in marriages, where two people come together and decide to spend the rest of their life with one another. When such an institution comes to an end and the couple decides to get a divorce, there can be chaos, hurt, pain, worry and stress.
Once a couple decides to go their separate ways, there are two paths to choose: they could either get a litigated divorce or opt for divorce mediation. The choice of which path to walk on and which one to leave alone will typically determine the kind of future that they experience.
Divorce is a Stressful Process
Getting a divorce is a stressful process. The thought of leaving your partner of many years even if you have developed irreconcilable differences with them can often take its toll. It is natural for a spouse to feel sad at the ending of something that was started to last a life time.
On top of sorrow, what spouses feel the most is stress. The stress of what will happen to their children and how will they be brought up, the stress of the financial outcome of the divorce, the stress of an uncertain financial future and the stress that comes from a bitter litigated battle with the other spouse.
But did you know that stress can lead to a number of major health issues for a person? This includes the recurrence of diseases that have only recently subsided.
Moreover, the uncertainty that surrounds a divorce can also be too much for spouses to handle, affecting their view of the case and their state of mind in some situations.
Mediation to Relieve Stress
Remember that at the start of the blog, we highlighted that there are two paths to a divorce that you can choose? The second one, i.e. divorce mediation is the one designed to help you deal with your stress and uncertainties. People often talk about a number of advantages that mediation holds over litigated divorce, such as:
Being faster
Creative
Cheaper
Confidential
Yet, the fact that mediation is a process that gives spouses a peace of mind and acts as a stress reliever is often understated. Orange County divorce mediation is different to litigation in many ways. Primarily, it gives the decision making powers to the spouses themselves. Often, spouses having a divorce are stressed about what the future holds for them and what portion of the assets they will get. In mediation, the powers to determine the financial future of the spouses, custody and upbringing of the child etc, are all bestowed upon the spouses themselves. When they know they are in charge, spouses are less likely to stress out about the outcome since they are the ones drafting it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
When a couple decides to divorce, there are many emotions that each spouse can often feel which includes anger, hate, disappointment and self pity. While these emotions are acceptable since divorce can be hard to grapple with, it is important to make sure that the process is not complicated by problems created by the parties themselves.
In our experience as California divorce mediators, unfortunately we have come across a number of spouses creating problems in their mediation process and ultimately in then resolution of their cases. Here is a list of some of these common problems that couples create.
Financial Inaccuracy
Whether you like it or you don’t, the role of finances is one of the most important ones in divorce. For things in the marriage to go as smoothly as possible both of then spouses need to ensure accuracy of data provided and be truthful in their assertions. Orange County divorce mediation is not litigation; there is no judge that you want to fool around with. You need to work with them to produce an effective solution and lying about your financial assets may decrease the effectiveness of the process.
Bringing the Past in the Present
The problems that you have had to face in your relation are ones that only you can understand. No mediator can gauge the trouble and torment that you went through. Yet, what you need to understand is that focusing on then past and bringing it up in mediation discussion will only create further problems for the future. The other spouse may start to get cranky or uneasy, ruining the amicable atmosphere needed for a divorce to conclude within a reasonable time. work.
Not Compromising and Being Rigid
The term mediation means compromising and reaching a solution between one another. Compromising and accepting the view point of the other party is an important step in mediation. Two spouses will often have two solutions in mind; neither of them can enforce their own on the other. For a mediation to be effective both of them need to accept some of the demands of the other to reach a mutually acceptable decision.
Thinking About Everything but the Kids
Being a parent means that the single most important thing for parents is their kids. They want to make sure that their kids are kept safe and have a healthy future up ahead. In such situations, the biggest problem you can create is forgetting about the interests of your kids and their future while you go through Orange County divorce mediation with the other spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce may be hard, but getting over a divorce is not easy either. Once you have gone through a divorce with your spouse, usually you’ll feel tired, bogged down or even emotionally unstable to some extent. These are indications that your divorce has left you drained to the core. Irrespective of the divorce procedure adopted, once you have gone through a divorce, you’ll need to start being happy.
Here are 15 ways you can bring the happiness and the joy back in your life post divorce:
1. Seek Inspiration
Go online or surf through the quotation books and write the most inspirational quotes that resonate with your situation and post them throughout your house and work in different parts, so that each time of the day when you look at them you feel inspired.
2. Be Firm in Your Resolve to Recover
You can never recover from your divorce unless you are looking to recover from it. Make sure you are hell-bent on healing and it will eventually follow.
3. Laugh Your Way Through It
Laughter is the best remedy. When you start to think of your ex or what might have been, put on a funny DVD on your favorite standup comedians and enjoy the show.
4. Listen to Uplighting, Fun Music
Close the curtains, close the door, power up the music and fire away. Sing, dance, just let your free spirit out and let it enjoy the music.
5. Delve into Books
If you are a fan of reading, instead of letting your mind wander off in the events of your divorce, simply grab a good book that soothes your soul or captures your imagination.
6. Find an Affirmation
When you are going through a rough patch, it is important that you develop a motto, an affirmation that you can tell yourself everyday when the going gets tough to keep your morale up.
7. Go Outside
Nature is the best healer, get outside, walk in the sunshine, smell the flowers and have a nice walk through the garden, all of these will help you erase the gloom in your life.
8. Help the Less Fortunate
You situation may be bad, but when you help someone less fortunate, you’ll see how their situation is even worse. Helping someone in need will also make you feel emotionally and spiritually good.
9. Get a Pet
You need a distraction in life and raising a pet could be just that, and they are often excellent companions.
10. Avoid Drowning Your Sorrow
Cut down or limit consumption of beer, wine and cocktails. Alcohol is only a temporarily relief that can sometimes lead to other problems. Find other avenues of relief, like exercise.
11. Get Creative
Bake a cake if you love to bake; if you are into art make a painting; create a sculpture, since art and creativity are the best release of emotions.
12. Reach Out to Family
When you are down and out, seek refuge with your family, they’ll show you the care and the love you deserve.
13. Reach out to Friends
Talk to our friends, tell them you have gone through divorce and the best ones will rush to your side and make sure you are happy.
14. Sleep Well
There may well be sleepless night, but for your health and your happiness, try to get a good night’s sleep as often as possible.
15. Go Through Mediation for Divorce
If you want to get divorced, make sure you choose a method that is consultative and empowering which lets you take the decision of your divorce yourself and continue to be on amicable terms with your ex spouse. Divorce mediation will make the divorce process easier, and in turn, it will make the post-divorce recovery much smoother and quicker.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Divorce is difficult time for everyone. The couple go through a series of emotional and psychological changes and adjust to the new life. But apart from the parents, the effect of divorce on children is equally painful. Sometimes it can get out of control as children behave differently in different situations.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
