Tips On How To Move On After Infidelity

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation lawyers; California Divorce MediatorsA spouse may go through great mental by social agony when they find about the illicit relationship of their partner. In fact, they may constantly think about it till their heads stagger. However, these people need to understand that most of the times their spouses may not depend that kind of energy and they just do not care.  It is better not to dwell too much into their acts of infidelity.

Try to come to terms with your emotions

Although every case is a unique one, you can definitely do certain things to reduce your pain. Your roller coaster ride of emotions suddenly begins once you get to know about your spouse’s betrayal. It is natural for you to go through several emotions like fear, a sense of deep loss, great fury and disillusionment. You should try to realize that going crazy will not be of any use. After all, there are many other people who have gone through the same kind of confusion and mental agony but have managed to survive. So, you should never forget that you are not the only person to suffer. Follow these easy tips to help you move on in life after you face betrayal from your spouse.

It is important for you to channelize your frustration and anger

You need to take the help of a good therapist or coach who has specialization in divorce related cases. They will listen to you describing the incident f your spouse cheating on you and then guide you to move ahead in life. A good therapist will also help you to make sure that you get the right perspective and make you realize that you still have an opportunity to lead a happy life and you are not to be blamed for the faults of your spouses. They are adults and made their own decisions. You should never own their decisions and feel bad about it.

Keep yourself thoroughly engaged with messages all through the day so that you feel better

When you indulge in self-pity and try to stay as a recluse, it is impossible to start a new life and stay positive. While no one is arguing that self-pity is normal in the beginning, you should let yourself be angry and hurt only for some time. However, you need to soon make a conscious effort to pick yourself up, and get in touch with your counselor or therapist. It is the ripe time to promise yourself to start a new journey in your life.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Does Infidelity Affect Spousal Support in California Divorces?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Spousal support Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsA marriage could end in divorce if one partner discovers that the other has a lover on side. The failure of marriage due to infidelity can be extremely painful for everyone involved.

Adultery and California divorce

The state of California is considered a no fault divorce state.  Divorce is possible for any one of the two possible reasons:

  • Irreconcilable differences between your spouse and you have almost destroyed the relationship and thus it cannot be changed
  • Your spouse has incurable insanity

There is no need to visit the court to testify as to why your marriage suffered and then failed. Only thing which matters in this respect is that both you and your spouse (or any one of you) must believe that it is impossible to save the marriage. Emotional healing is speeded by no-fault divorce. Courtroom processes are also speeded up as the spouses do not argue too much.


Alimony is legally known as spousal support as per California laws. It is the money which one spouse pays to other both at the time of divorce and also after divorce. The legislature in California holds the belief that support is critical and thus a law is crafted so that spouses provide financial support to each other.

The aim of alimony is to make sure that the spouse who is poorer is not made destitute after the marriage ends.  The California court may issue the alimony order while divorce proceedings continue to be underway, but is incomplete. The spouse who will receive the alimony may request the court to give a temporary order. The last will be applicable until the issuance of final order.  The final order of alimony may take a number of forms. It may be so that the judge will conclude that there is no evidence to support an alimony award. It can be completely denied.

Adultery factor in alimony

Judges analyze multiple factors before awarding alimony. It will include the earning capacity of the spouse so that both of them can maintain certain living standards established during marriage. This will include the receiver spouse’s marketable skills and the state of job market for those skills. The judge will also taken into account the expenses and time needed to acquire sufficient education or the the training to develop certain marketable skills. The ability of the paying spouse to give alimony will also be taken into account.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Does Adultery Have An Impact On A California Divorce Case Today?

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsAre you wondering whether cheating can have an impact on your divorce case or not? If that is the case, here is all that you should know about adultery.  A marriage can end when one of the spouses discovers that the other is having an adulterous relationship. But what importance does an extra-marital relationship has on the continuity of a marriage or in a divorce? The answer to this question may vary from country to country and from state to state. While in some states the effect may be negligible, in other states such a behavior could have a big impact on the results.

In the past, there had been a bigger correlation between adultery and divorce as compared to today. Especially, when a woman committed adultery, it was viewed as a big offense. The punishment was harsher for her than if it was done by a man. Even today, this is so in some countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran. In these countries, the woman could be punished with a violent death if she had an extra-marital relationship. In the United States of America, adultery is treated as a crime in a few states and yet is hardly ever prosecuted.  However, as California is a no-fault state, adultery has little impact on the outcome of a divorce case.

Impact of adultery on asset distribution

Today, adultery does not have that much of an impact on asset distribution in the event of a divorce. However, the exception can be cases where a spouse has used his or her marital assets to provide support to that extra-marital relationship. For instance, when a husband takes a loan against a marital property to support his girlfriend, it can be considered while asset distribution takes place.

Effect of adultery to determine custody

Generally, adultery does not affect decisions related to determining the custody of the children in California. The exception could be when the third person that the wayward spouse is cheating with poses a threat to the children by having a criminal background, uses drugs or abuses alcohol, etc.

However, if adultery can be proven, it can have an impact on spousal support by reducing or terminating the amount of support when an ex-spouse or a spouse is living with some other person, which is known as cohabitation.

But the most problematic and serious problem that adultery is like to cause is while negotiating a settlement. According to statistics, more than a whopping 90 percent spouses resolve their divorce settlement through negotiations. An unfaithful spouse is most likely to feel sheepish or guilty after the confession or the discovery. On the other hand, the spouse cheated on usually feels furious and cheated. These emotional elements of both the parties may come in the way of a peaceful settlement and can significantly have an impact on the divorce terms.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

Top 5 Reasons for Couples Getting Divorced

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediators Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsMarriage is not an easy relationship. There are several cases when couples started their married life with the best intentions but ended up getting divorced. There could be various reasons for which couples get divorced. Here are some of the most common reasons for couples ending up being in divorce court.

Extra-marital affairs or adultery

According to a report published by AARP, even today, adultery plays a big role in people filing for divorce. But, reports also claim that there are several reasons that lead to a spouse getting into an extra-marital affair such as unequal sexual urges, getting distant, having different interests, resentment and fury.

Gain in weight or obesity

Though it may appear as a surprising reason, unusual weight gain by one of the spouses is also known to be a major reason why couples get divorced. A survey conducted by Men’s Health magazine reported that when one of the spouses gains a lot of weight, it can come in the way of their marital bliss. If your spouse does not attract or get turned on to your body, there could be problems like resentment and rejection, which can be marriage-threatening issues.

Monetary issues

According to a report published by the American Journal of Sociology, when a husband is unemployed, it can be a major criterion for divorce. In other words, lack of or insufficient money can cause big problems in a marriage, often leading to a divorce. If a married couple faces financial on strainers, there could be a lot of stress. This can further lead to a lack of proper communication and constant arguing. There are many couples who have different views on the others’ spending habits. Relationships may undergo lots of stress where one controls or has the finances, which often end up in a divorce.

Lack of proper communication

Often you will hear people saying that proper communication is the key to a successful marriage. Many relationship coaches opine that negative communication or lack of communication may diminish feelings of romance and love between couples. When a couple stops having effective communication, marital troubles leading to a divorce are not unusual.


Abuse can be either a spouse being physically or emotionally abused by the other spouse. These are a common reason why many couples get divorced. Verbal or physical fighting that happens frequently between couples may make their relationship volatile and eventually end up in a divorce.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation

California Law on Extramarital Affairs and Alimony

Posted by: Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Orange County divorce mediation; California Divorce MediatorsThe worst thing that can happen to a marriage is infidelity. Most married people hope that something like this never happens. However, extramarital affairs occur more often than one could imagine. In fact, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports that 40% of marriages fall prey to infidelity.

Now that we’ve accepted the reality of infidelity, the next big question in your mind likely has to do with divorce. Divorce is often the likely outcome of infidelity in a marriage and it can affect the results of the divorce.

So, let’s look at how infidelity affects divorce in California.

No-fault divorce 

California follows the no-fault divorce law.  So, there are only two primary reasons that can be used as grounds for divorce – incurable insanity or irreconcilable difference. The letter refers to issues between the spouses that have damaged the relationship beyond reconciliation.

In fact, one isn’t even required to testify as to why the marriage failed. The only thing needed to authorize the divorce is an agreement from both spouses supporting the divorce. The no-fault divorce law was implemented because it speeds up the divorce process and allows couples to go their way without bickering over every detail.

Another important point to note is that adultery is not a crime in California, and hence, there is no legal definition for it as far as the Californian law goes. However, adultery, in general, is defined as a sexual relationship that a married person indulges in with someone other than their spouse.

Californian courts will not consider adultery as a key factor in granting a divorce. No-fault divorce requires that courts simply grant the divorce based on the couple’s acceptance of marital failure.

Alimony and custody

Adultery does, however, affect alimony, but, not in the typical way one might imagine. Californian courts will award alimony based on the ability of the offending spouse’s ability to pay and the offended spouse’s financial needs.

So, it is possible for the offended spouse to receive less alimony than hoped for. For instance, if the offended spouse moves on and begins living with another partner, the courts may consider this spouse’s financial needs to be less significant.

As for custody, California prioritizes the child’s interests. So, adultery doesn’t affect custody in a big way. The only time it does is if the relationship has directly affected the children. For example, if the cheating spouse engaged in a sexual act with the paramour in the presence of the child/children.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation