Earlier, there were many circumstances when both the spouses needed to agree for divorcing each other. There were demerits in this system since the divorce used to get delayed or became a complicated process. However, there are many people that still believe the same conditions prevail even today.
In reality this is not the case. It is possible to get divorced even when your spouse does not agree to divorce you. Contrary to the common myth a divorce is no longer stalled or delayed when consent is not given by one of the spouses.
A marriage can be considered to have collapsed when one of the partners desires to go through with a divorce despite the other spouse not giving his or her consent to it. So, what are those specific scenarios that enable a spouse to do so? The spouse needs to establish that the marriage has broken down by providing evidence of mental or physical cruelty or adultery against the other spouse.
When such a scenario prevails, the spouse who desires to get divorced can begin proceedings with or without the consent of the other party. If such an act can be proved by a spouse, a court can hear the plea of the plaintiff and grant him or her divorce. But when you have applied for the divorce and are the party responsible for being cruel to your spouse or having committed the adultery yourself, and are responsible for the marriage breakdown, it is required by the court to live separately for one year minimum before you can apply for your divorce. The reason for doing so is that your own mistakes cannot be used as the cause for your divorce.
It could also be possible that you are unaware of your partner or spouse’s whereabouts, but can still apply for a divorce and obtain it.
But before doing so, you need to demonstrate that you have tried to the best of your abilities to find your spouse or partner. When you could not find your spouse, it is possible for you to ask the judge to issue a substituted service order. This court order means you are told what should be done by you to make sure that the missing partner gets to know that you are applying for a divorce, But a judge would only allow you to go ahead with the divorce provided he or she is satisfied that all possible efforts have been by made by you to track your spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorces often involve the division of property, asset and other financial holdings including businesses. Often, one of the divorcee ends up getting more than they wished for. Needless to say, the other person ends up losing more than what they would have wanted. Since, no one wants to end up as the other person, couples try their best to avoid financial complications during divorce proceedings.
One of the best ways of avoiding financial complications is mediation. A good mediation lawyer should be hired by every couple going through divorce. Mediation will not only help you with your finances but also with your mental and physical state during the divorce.
Some of the ways in which mediation can protect you from financial damage are:
Financial insight
A mediation lawyer knows and understands the risks involved when huge finances are involved in a divorce. Mediation will give you a financial insight of the issues that will be faced by you during the proceeding. An understanding of the issues involved in asset division is critical in determining how much damage you’ll be able to sustain. Financial mediation will help you negotiate the division of property and assets in the best way possible.
Your future financial life will depend heavily on your current financial condition and if you lose more than you have to, it might have a negative effect on your overall finances. Mediation helps you take an informed decision that protects your financial assets from unnecessary damage.
Better communication and negotiation
Mediation is essentially a form of communication and through communication a means of negotiation develops that is particularly helpful in divorce proceedings. A mediation also helps you maintain good relations with your spouse which is another essential thing in a divorce. Having a bad spousal relationship during the divorce proceeding can be one of the reason why you lose out on financial assets. Understanding your partner through effective communication is a useful strategy that everyone should apply.
Conclusion
Financial damage incurred during divorce is a common phenomenon and is an important issue every divorcee needs to deal with. Mediation is the best way to stop unnecessary financial damage and protect assets and property from unnecessary depletion to pay for high attorney’s fees and costs. Mediation is especially important when a huge amount of finance or business is in question. No one wants to end up as the loser and mediation ensures that it is a win-win situation for both parties.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Every couple who go through a rocky relationship after their marriage prefer a divorce over everything else. But couples often end up having a bad divorce, even worse than their marriage was. Things like finances, debts, assets, properties and children are all involved, not to mention the emotional and psychological trauma.
However, couples can also go through a smooth divorce if they choose to do it amicably. Such divorces, known as mediated divorce, happens when both parties decide to settle on a common ground before heading over to the court.
Inexpensive
One of the major problems with divorce is that they can be expensive as hell. But in a mediated divorce, all it takes is for both individuals to sit down and decide on a settlement. The settlement includes property and asset division, child and spousal support and debt division. Hiring a divorce lawyer can sometimes be an expensive affair and couples may still end up losing more than they bargained for. Having a good discussion with your spouse before the divorce proceeding can yield beneficial results.
Faster results
Divorce proceedings can take a long time before a final decision is passed. The waiting period can be strenuous and depressing for most individuals. A mediated divorce on the other hand takes less than 18 weeks on average and the end result is a lot better than the results of a traditional divorce.
Less animosity
If you go through a bad divorce, it is highly unlikely that you will ever want to talk to your ex. wife. Initially, you will be fine with the way things are but after a certain period of time you will realize its after-effects. Individuals often go through feelings of guilt and shame after a bad divorce. Mediated divorce helps you avoid all of that and makes you feel less angry towards your partner.
Customized solution
Mediated divorce gives customized solutions for you. Since how you want the divorce to take place and its outcome is completely in the hands of you and your partner, you can make changes as per your wish.
Conclusion
Divorces can be mentally and physically strenuous for both parties. A mediated divorce helps couples decide the outcomes of their divorce. Mediated divorces are inexpensive and yield faster and better results than traditional divorces. Couples are also saved from the psychological stress of divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
The role of divorce mediation goes beyond simple reconciliation between two individuals. It is an important role and can often lead to favorable results. Ending a marriage is a big decision and should be carefully considered before moving ahead with the process. Apart from emotional problems, things like assets, property, business and children also play an important part.
It is often suggested for couples who experience stress and trauma while going through divorce proceedings to seek the help of a therapist. It is not really the job of a divorce mediator to play the role of a therapist but when the need arises, they can be one in several respects.
How does therapy help during divorce?
An individual going through a divorce may feel depressed and emotionally detached from those around him/her. Although therapy is recommended for such individuals, they can feel scared at the thought of seeing a therapist. They feel they have developed a psychological problem or have become mentally ill. In such cases, if the divorce mediator plays the role of a quasi-therapist who listens to their concerns and issues, the individual feels more comfortable and opens up.
It has often happened that due to depression, divorcees have ended up making terrible decisions that they wouldn’t have normally made. The main job of a divorce mediator is to pacify misunderstandings between the couple and provide a moral support. The main job of a therapist is to understand an individual’s mental state and provide solutions. Sometimes, the two roles overlap and then it becomes the job of a mediator to handle both.
Therapy is also important for children whose parents are going through a divorce because the situation affects them too. Research has shown that children who witness divorce are more likely to experience mental trauma than other children. They are also more likely to perform badly in academics and other activities. Divorce mediators try locating key problem areas and try providing a possible solution.
Conclusion
A divorce can become ugly and individuals going through the process can becoming depressed, and mediation is a good solution. Therapy can be required because it helps reduce stress and can lead to reconciliation as well. Divorce mediators can often provide some form of therapy if they feel that their clients are making bad and unreasonable decisions due to divorce stress and trauma.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
What with the obvious anguish and stress of a shattered life, the involvement of a toxic spouse can make it even harder for you to deal with your divorce. The stubborn and aggressive attitude of a resentful partner can not only promote additional conflicts and disputes in your already damaged relationship but can also considerably prolong the litigation process due to frequent disagreements by him/her over trivial matters. However, there are several ways in which you can effectively deal with the undue outbursts and tantrums of your angry spouse and make the divorce process smoother for the both of you.
Control your own emotions
It is natural to respond negatively to volatile situations that target your self-esteem or reputation. However, you must understand that you will only make the situation worse by indulging in a similar behavior as your aggressive spouse. Since you are already seeking help for controlling the excessive negativity of your spouse, it is safe to say that you are the more sensible and reasonable of the two. It is, therefore advisable, to keep your calm and stay neutral, especially in situations where your spouse seems to be deliberately instigating a fight.
Motivate your spouse with money
Although in a fit of rage, it is difficult to use one’s rationale and distinguish wrong from right, you can always try to speak with your angry partner about the financial repercussions of a prolonged and hostile divorce. Money is an effective approach to motivate your spouse to refrain from lashing out at every single issue and creating undue disagreements over things that really do not matter. Make him/her understand that by being a little reasonable, he/she can effectively save thousands over the litigation process.
Consult a therapist
A professional therapist or divorce counselor can effectively help you identify ways of dealing with the actions of a manipulative and controlling spouse. By talking openly about your concerns and pent up feelings, you will be able to free yourself from the burden of unresolved emotions and become better equipped to handle the frustration of dealing with your aggressive spouse. A therapist can also assist you with ways and strategies of calmly and wittingly responding to the unreasonable actions of your difficult spouse and save the day.
Although dealing with an intimidating and difficult partner is not easy, with a few behavioral changes in yourself, you can effectively handle the constant tension in your relationship.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce is difficult time for everyone. The couple go through a series of emotional and psychological changes and adjust to the new life. But apart from the parents, the effect of divorce on children is equally painful. Sometimes it can get out of control as children behave differently in different situations.
Being a teenager can be tough. They are neither kids nor adults and sometimes they act differently because of this. And when the parents get divorced, the effect is unique for each teenager.
Adjustment problems
Research has shown that in the first two years after divorce, teenagers have a hard time coping up with the truth. Adjustment becomes difficult and they show varied behaviors. But as time passes, the situation becomes better. They accept the fact that their parents won’t be together anymore and start adjusting to the new life. Most of the teenagers won’t face any negative effects when they grow up.
Emotional and psychological effects
Children have pure emotions and they show what they feel. But in teenagers, it may not always be the same. Witnessing a divorce can be tough for them. They sometimes show an outburst of emotions or don’t show anything at all. As kids, they’ve looked up to their parents as role models and the behavior of parents affects them. If parents use criticism to deal with a certain problem during a divorce, then automatically teenagers feel that criticism is a tool to handle such situations. Similarly, other emotions like anger and fear become a common part of their daily routine to deal with problems.
Feeling distress during a hostile environment is not exclusive to teenagers. It is what each of us do when put in similar situations. When teens witness, their family falling apart, they too feel distressed. Psychological studies show that blood pressure and heart rate increases in children who witness adults fighting. Over time the psychology changes and can result in negative results.
Effect on academic performance
Teens undergoing psychological and emotional changes have a hard time concentrating on their academic performance. So, naturally, their grades go down. This is very evident in intelligent children who have fared better than their peers in school. The drop in grades is due to emotional problems and not due to emotions. Even teachers find it hard to teach teens undergoing emotional issues. With more and more parents getting divorced each year, the number of such teens are increasing.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce can be very traumatic for you and your spouse, both on the emotional and financial front. If you feel that not everything is bad between you and your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to seek counseling before filing for a divorce.
Divorce therapy is sought by many couples heading for divorce and has helped many save their marriage. It is provided on individual basis. If you are going through a divorce right now then it is natural that you will experience a range of emotions like guilt, grief and anxiety.
How marriage counseling works
California has many professional divorce counselors and they provide a range of service for their clients. They even help choosing the right one for you. If you are selecting a counselor, then there are certain factors that you need to consider. Choose someone who holds a proper license and who has had experience in dealing with such issues. Read testimonials from clients and ask your friends and family to help you.
Benefits of marital counseling
A marital counseling will help you resolve conflicts between you and your spouse in a healthy way. You will learn to communicate effectively with your spouse and it will also help you listen to his/her side of the story.
You will start understanding the problems of your spouse and vice versa.
You will learn to be assertive while not being offensive towards your spouse. Both of you must to be able to talk about your issues without the fear of hurting the other person. You will slowly realize that not every problem can be resolved through fights and sudden outbursts of emotions.
You will build the ability to work through problem and unresolved issues in your marriage. Marriage counseling provides an environment where you can express yourself without expressing anger or unhappiness. In time, you might realize that your spouse is understanding and is also willing to do the same thing as you. It might also be the reverse where your spouse is not willing to work out anything. If that is the case, then there is not much that you can do but at least you will know that you’ve tried.
You will start seeing your spouse in a new light. This will help you understand him/her and the reasons for getting a divorce. If your spouse is willing to undergo the same thing, then chances are high that your marriage can be saved.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce courts in California work under the same rules used to courts to tackle other disputes. It is seen frequently that such courts are unable to function properly in solving disputes related to divorce. Collaborative or mediation law can turn out to be better in such cases.
Court alternatives
Divorce issues can be resolved by three ways. All of them are regarded as much superior to the court methods.
Work out solutions together
Both you and your partner or spouse may sit down and then reach agreements on how the possessions and debts be divided. You two should also decide whether you or your spouse will pay support to the other and the amount of money. In case you two have children, how they will be raised. To some couples, these can be easily solved and could be done in a single meeting. Many couples may find the proceedings difficult and may complete this task over a number of meetings.
Mediation
In such a case, the couple meets with another neutral person. This third person is termed a mediator. This person will help the both of you through the complete process of reaching a particular agreement on possessions, child custody, debts and support.
Collaborative law
Both your spouse and you choose a specially trained attorney who is proficient in collaborative law. This divorce method is growing in popularity. This process is dependent on a pledge made in writing by both spouses where they reach the agreement on divorce terms without visiting a court. It will be agreed that in case either party disrupts the agreement, and moves towards a court proceeding, both the attorneys should withdraw from that case and the spouses should hire new lawyers to restart the process.
When court is the best option
There can be situations where these alternatives may not work. In such cases, taking the matter to court could be the only way out. This especially happens if there is a combative counsel. This involves one of the spouses to act upon directions dictated by an aggressive lawyer. The latter has in all probability convinced the client that collaborative law will not generate a good outcome- and judges are the best way forward. In case your spouse has such a lawyer, then prepare for expensive and unproductive days at court.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Although you might not be comfortable with taking relationship advice from hot shot celebs and famous personalities, it goes without saying that they do have a better understanding of how divorce litigation works. Since a majority of celeb divorces involve enormous assets and property, and also several intricate details such as kids from another marriage or extra marital affairs, we have a lot to learn from the way they handle their separations. Let us have a look at some of the lessons that we can learn from high profile divorce cases.
Prepare yourself for a divorce
If there is one thing that we can learn from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce is avoiding impulsive decisions and cautiously planning out a strategy before taking the huge plunge. Although the news might have come as a surprise for Tom, Katie had planned out every single detail of her litigation well in advance. She knew what she wanted out of the divorce and consulted professional attorneys to help her achieve her goal. Instead of rushing things, she took her time in deciding New York as the place to file for a divorce, since the family laws in the city were likely to be more favorable for her. So if you are thinking of divorcing your spouse, it is advisable to sleep over it, take your time and do your homework before filing a petition in the court of law.
Try to reach a mutual agreement
The recent Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow split brought forth their intention of living apart but continuing to co-parent their children in their best interests. The case reiterates the importance of having amicable discussions with your spouse and obtaining mutual agreements over the various significant aspects of a divorce such as child custody and visitation. It is advisable to keep your disputes aside for a bit and actually focus on the needs and expectations of your kids as more important than your split.
Sign a prenup
Signing a prenup with your spouse-to-be is a great way of eliminating the chances of any additional conflicts and disagreements in the event of a divorce. They are designed not only to protect the interests of both parties but also carry out a fair and square division of separate and marital property. There have been several high profile divorce cases such as that of Mel Gibson, wherein a lack of a prenup led one of the spouses to pay millions of dollars as alimony to the other party.
The take away here is, that no matter how eager you might be to start a life away from your spouse, it is always best to use your logic and patience in planning for a divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A divorce mediation is a very practical, and sensible alternative to fighting out in the court. A divorce mediation can be successful as long both the parties involved remain reasonable. The different types of divorce mediation concepts are:
Evaluative divorce mediation
In evaluative divorce mediation, the mediator, who has specific and deep knowledge about divorce laws, would hear each parties arguments, and identify the weaknesses and strengths. He/she would then inform the parties about the possible outcomes should they take their case to the court. With both the parties consent, the mediator then would propose what he/she believes is a fair settlement. The parties can then accept it or reject it.
Comprehensive divorce mediation
In comprehensive divorce mediation, the mediator would cover all the aspects of the divorce. Both the parties would agree upon the division of the property, division of debt, child custody and support, spouse support, and so on. After that, both the parties would sign the comprehensive agreement. In order for the comprehensive divorce mediation to be a success, both the parties would have to agree on all the divorce issues.
Facilitative divorce mediation
In facilitative divorce mediation, the mediator would only facilitate the conversation between the parties involved. They will not evaluate the case or direct the parties to any specific settlement. The parties will decide what and all will be discussed and how the issues can be resolved. The mediator may outline the structure for the discussion and may offer informed suggestions based on his/her experience, however, that will be the extent to which he/she will get involved in the mediation process.
Virtual divorce mediation
In virtual divorce mediation, the entire mediation process is conducted online with the help of applications such as Skype, Facetime, and so on. The parties involved need not be present physically at the mediator’s office, they can just login from their home or office. Virtual divorce mediation is especially helpful for busy professionals, people with disabilities, and people who are out of the state/country. Virtual divorce mediation is cost-effective as well.
Transformative divorce mediation
In transformative divorce mediation, the mediator encourages the parties involved to have a constructive, and practical discussion. He/she encourages the parties who may be intimidated by their partner’s presence to speak out freely, and confidently. In this type of divorce mediation, importance is not given to reaching a settlement but to discuss all the issues involved practically and go about resolving them in a practical, and respectable manner.
The aim of mediation, no matter which type of mediation, is to avoid the nasty side of divorce, and reach a solution in a very civilized manner.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Earlier, there were many circumstances when both the spouses needed to agree for divorcing each other. There were demerits in this system since the divorce used to get delayed or became a complicated process. However, there are many people that still believe the same conditions prevail even today.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
