No matter how old they are when you and your significant other decide to part ways, your children will still be greatly affected by the divorce. It will be up to you and your partner to see to it that they handle the news well. Don’t bombard them with the news when they least expect it, but explain to them why both of you have taken this decision.
Even though your children may already know that something’s up, most probably, they are too afraid to admit. For this one time, you and your partner will have to band together and break the news gently to them, and here’s how you should do it:
1. Do It Together
When you break the news to your children, you should do it together. Parents that do it alone because they can’t stand their ex, confuse their child even more, as they will be hearing two different versions from two different perspectives. Therefore, both of you need to sit together to decide on a story to tell your child. Try to agree on a story to tell them that doesn’t end with your father or mother is bad.
2. Do Not Blame Your Partner
Your partner and you may not see eye to eye anymore, but the doesn’t give you grounds to mock your ex in front of your child. Your child doesn’t need any more drama in their life, as this is a sensitive time for them. If your children are young, they will be more impressionable, which means they may blame themselves for your divorce. This is something that you need to avoid doing at all costs and anytime, you well up with anger, think of your children to help you cool down and regain your exposure.
3. Use Simple Language
Young children don’t want you to provide them with a complex reason such as “Your father cheated on me.” You want to explain to them about what is exactly going to happen after the two of you get divorced. You start by telling them that one of you is going to get an apartment, which they will come and visit. However, this conversation needs to happen after both of you have decided on the days and times each will get to spend time with your child.
4. Do Not Delve Into the Details
You will have to stay organized during this time, as you don’t want your child to come across anything that they shouldn’t be seeing. Moreover, you will have to take certain precautions when discussing your divorce proceedings. You don’t want your child to witness both of you discussing matters that rile each other up. So, choose a time, place, and day to talk about this, away from home.
Children are the glue that keeps a family together and you want to keep that glue intact by being careful in how you both address each other in their presence.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
In California, same-sex couples can benefit from all of the legal rights and protections that the state offers to married couples. As a result, many same-sex couples in California believe that the creation of a prenuptial agreement involves generally the same issues and considerations as it would for any other couple.
But there are many critical reasons that same-sex couples – even those without children – should take the time to consult with a family law attorney before the marriage. In a national context, married same-sex couples still face a number of legal complexities that other married couples do not face. Carefully-drafted premarital agreements can help guard against those complexities.
Many U.S. states still do not recognize same-sex marriage. And just one of those states, Missouri, recognizes same-sex marriages legally performed in other states* (*as of the time that this article was written). The other states that do not recognize same-sex marriage also refuse to recognize many of the legal rights of married same-sex couples, including the right to divorce.
Same-sex couples married in California may obtain a divorce from the California courts if they reside in a state that does not recognize same-sex marriage. But the enforcement of a prenuptial agreement for same-sex couples residing in those states can be problematic, especially if the enforceability of the agreement rests on the recognition of a marriage or a divorce.
Fortunately, this issue can be put to rest at the outset through an alternate method of drafting the premarital agreement. The American Bar Association (ABA) recommends that the agreement be drafted as a contract that is enforceable regardless of whether the marriage is recognized or not. The result would be a contract recognized in all fifty states. This alternative way of drafting a prenuptial agreement should be discussed with a family law attorney experienced in addressing legal issues facing same-sex couples.
Same-sex couples who have children or who are planning a family should also consult an attorney prior to the marriage in order to understand how the family can be protected through provisions in the prenuptial agreement in case the family moves or travels extensively out-of-state.
Same-sex couples may also want to take the time to create additional legal protections before the marriage, beyond the prenuptial agreement. The creation of a health care proxy may be especially important for same-sex couples, as the ABA also notes. A married same-sex couple traveling to or residing in a state that does not recognize the marriage may face difficulties in a medical emergency – family visitation rights and decision-making rights may not be afforded to the spouse by hospital staff. A pre-existing health care proxy may help afford many of these rights.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Going through a divorce can take a toll on your health and your mood. You don’t feel as energetic and full of life as you used to. Most of the time, you probably sulk around the house or apartment that you’re now living in wondering why this happened to you.
Now, you’ll have to drag yourself to court each day to look him or her in the eye, something that you wish you didn’t have to. The end of the marriage will not be as amicable as the beginning was, and the burden of knowing that may be slowly eating you up inside. The moment that you may dread the most is having your failed marriage on display for others to see and talk about how you failed to work out the differences.
You fear that they will deem you responsible or side with your partner without knowing the whole truth. That’s when you wish to hide in your room and never come out. Do you know what we think about your self-defeating thoughts? We want you to stop telling yourself that it was your fault or that you didn’t try hard enough.
Instead, tell yourself that you gave it your all, but this was how it was meant to be. However, it’s easier said than done, as going to court and seeing him blame you or go after your kids, if you have any, may devastate and break you. In order to stay strong and rise above the self-defeating thoughts, try to convince your partner to try divorce mediation.
How Will Divorce Mediation Help You Squash Your Negative Thoughts?
Divorce mediation will provide you with a peace of mind. How? Unlike in litigation proceedings where it’s a do or die situation, in divorce mediation, both parties are putting their differences behind them and moving forward with the divorce in a mature manner. All the petty and major issues are addressed with their solutions drawn up. Each party gets to tell their side of the story, why they need this, and whether something can be exchanged.
In doing so, it creates a better understanding between the two parties, helping them come up with a solution to a problem that will benefit both of them. Moreover, it gives you the opportunity to depart on good terms so if you see your ex later on in life, neither of you will feel furious or cheated by each other.
If you have children, divorce mediation should be at top of your list anyways. No parent would like to put his or her children through the turmoil of seeing two angry parents. Through divorce mediation, you will be able to drop your child off to your ex’s house without any hesitation and resentment.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Most divorces, however amicably they are resolved, tend to leave a stressful impact on both the parties that are involved. A divorce is a life changing experience and hence, it is definite that it is likely to have ramifications on your future, and not just your present. When you know that there will be an impact of your divorce on the future, you should try to make sure that impact is positive. To make sure you have a bright future, there are few tips that you should follow after your divorce.
· Stay Positive
The most common mindset after a divorce, is to continue to recall the negative aspects of the divorce and feel pain over them time and again. The best way to tackle such a situation is to look at the bright side. Look at the positive aspects that might come as a result of the divorce and continue to concentrate on them.
· Talk to Your Spouse, Clear the Air
However long your marriage would have lasted, it was still one of the most beautiful relations in the world for you. After it has ended, there shouldn’t be a sense of bitterness among the two of you. The best way to ensure you stay free of stress and disarray, you should clear the air with your spouse. Establish and maintain good communications with your spouse, especially if you have kids.
· Take Care of Yourself
The best way to have a good future is to stay in fine shape and good health throughout. It is often seen that people tend to stop caring about themselves when they have just gone through a divorce. It is important that in such times of high stress, you eat and sleep right, or else you will be risking your health.
· Give Respect To Get Respect
The easiest thing to do is to bad mouth your spouse once the Orange County divorce proceedings are over. The more you talk negatively about your spouse, the greater the amount of negativity that will surround you. This point is highly applicable if you have kids with your spouse. Kids can be very badly affected by divorce, and the last thing they would want at such a juncture is to hear negative talks about their other parent.
· Be Strong Where You Have To Be
Sometimes if you aren’t string for your point of view, it is seen as your declaration of defeat. That however, should not be the case. One aspect of making sure life after divorce is better is that you have to ensure you get your rights in the divorce. Stand strong on issues such as child support, alimony payments, and divisions of assets in the court, and don’t get bullied into agreeing anything.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Same sex divorce and dissolution of domestic partnership mediation can help your partner and you end your marriage or domestic partnership on amicable terms. If things aren’t working out between the two of you, both of you can seek a divorce mediator. However, before you do, you should know that same sex marriage is not legal in every state and the laws to grant a divorce are different from straight couples. Following are some differences that same sex couples should know:
1. Location of Marriage
Same sex couples that married in a state that legalized same sex marriage, but live in a state that has yet to, need to file in the state that recognized their union in order to get a divorce. Additionally, the same sex couples need to be a resident of the state that they are filing. For instance, California, which allows same sex couples to get married, requires them to live there for six months.
2. Living in Two Different States
Same sex couples that no longer live with each other, but are separated and living in different states will come across certain challenges. For instance, you live in Ohio where same sex marriage is recognized while your partner moved to Iowa that doesn’t recognize the union. For all medical decisions, your ex in Iowa will be in-charge of making medical decisions. Even if Iowa doesn’t recognize the union, it recognizes medical decisions.
3. You Cannot Remarry, Unless Divorced
Same sex couples need to take extra care when moving on to the next relationship, especially if they haven’t filed for divorce. If they become married again, they will face a bigamy charge. You will have to get a divorce in the state you got married, before moving on.
4. Laws Are Always Changing
Laws change constantly, which means that the laws of a particular state that doesn’t allow same sex marriages can change as well. If they do change while the same sex couple is still living there, they will get all the rights of a married couple. This means that both of you will now be eligible for divorce.
5. Child Custody Problems
If you and your partner adopted a child together, you will not be treated any differently in the court of law than other married couples. The proceedings of who gets custody of the child are the same for them as they are for everyone else. Just as every other soon to be divorced couple, you and your partner will have to sit down with a divorce mediator to decide who gets custody on what days.
6. Pre-Nuptial Agreement
Although most straight couples may seek a pre-nuptial agreement, if they have anything to lose if a divorce occurs, most same sex couples do not. Since same sex marriages are fairly new, most of them do not have a pre-nuptial agreement.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Being a good parent to your child does not have anything to do with your marriage being intact. This statement is important to remember for parents who tend to get depressed at the prospect of single parenting after and during an Orange County divorce. Children who live with single parents lead a different life, and the parent who has custody needs to be on top of things at all times. You have to realize that the responsibilities you shared with your partner in raising your children are now yours to bear.
We know that whether the household of the single parent is under a father or a mother, parenting through a divorce, and after it, can be a huge task to fulfill. Here are some tips on how to make sure you maintain your quality of parenting.
· In Your House Only You Rule
The most important part about parenting is being able to set boundaries. The faster you set boundaries and the clearer they are, the easier parenting will become for you. One of the biggest mistakes that single parents can do is to give their children the status that is equal to peers, thereby undermining their own authority over them. While this may, in the short term, make for a pleasant time. This is likely to catch up with you over the long term, and lack of discipline and control over the child is the most obvious drawback of this strategy. To make sure you stay an effective parent, keep that control and authority over your child intact.
· Believe In Yourself And The Task At Hand
The only way you can make sure you are a good single parent for your child during the divorce proceedings is to know that you are capable of being one. Belief is vital to achieve anything, especially an uphill task such as this one. To have the best shot at being a successful parent, you should be highly motivated. The only thing worst for your child to see his parents breakup is to see the parent in charge of him doubting his own ability. Believe in yourself, keep a positive approach, and stay positive throughout the parenting process.
· Deal With The Increased Stress And Know Your Limitations
It is common for single parents to start to feel consumed and choked by the large volume of responsibilities arriving suddenly after a divorce. At this point, it is important that you keep your calm and channel your energy first of all to try and prioritize the task, and then to effectively tackle them one by one. At the end of the day, you should always remember that you are only one person and can only do so much. You’ll need to talk to your children and work with them as a team. Don’t worry, it’s all worth it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
When some people are thinking of mediating their divorce, some friends or family might say things like “If you don’t fight for your rights, you’re giving up” or “If you choose divorce mediation, you’re automatically making your partner win.” People in the process of choosing divorce mediation or going through mediation probably heard remarks made to them similar to the ones just mentioned by their relatives and friends. Is choosing divorce mediation really a way for the other person to give up or give in? No, that’s a common misconception that most people have about divorce mediation. In reality, it is the complete opposite of what people perceive it to be.
Divorce Mediation—A Way to Cope
If you pick divorce mediation, you’re not writing off your rights, but are bypassing all the mess that comes with litigation. Instead of spending your time at court quarrelling, you’re seated in a room, calmly discussing what needs to be done and how the property in question needs to be divided fairly. In the room, you’re in control of what you think you should get.
After a few productive sessions, you will be able to come to a resolution quicker and safer, as you’re not putting each other in the spot. Plus, it’s a cheaper alternative to litigation, which is one of its main selling points. During mediation, you will be able to understand each other’s point of view and from where each person is coming from. Does litigation let you make fair judgments about your future? Litigation will drag you down with it, but mediation will empower you. So, how can anyone label litigation as an indication that you have given up.
Why Divorce Mediation isn’t a Sign of Giving Up
Divorce mediation will assist you come to a conclusion that’s agreed upon by both parties. It will let two people warring with each other see the bigger picture and the impact of their decision will have on each other. You will be able to handle your problems with bliss and harmony, which is what you really want after a divorce or maybe you want to look at each other with disdain the rest of your lives. More probably, the first choice will resonate with both of you, as who doesn’t prefer for their matters to be settled peacefully.
Divorce Mediation Is a Stress-Free Method to Get Out of Your Divorce
Divorce mediation is a stress-free method to get you out of your divorce. Through mediation, you will be able to talk to each other about issues plaguing your marriage from the start. It will help you come to an understanding of what to do with the property such as the house or a car after your marriage dissolves. The best part is that you will avoid all types of stress that results when you go through dissolution of a marriage.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Marital settlement agreement is a contract signed by both parties, agreeing on the terms and conditions decided by them during the divorce mediation process. The contract is then made part of the dissolution of marriage order and has the same impact as a judge would have if he or she had decided on who gets what in court.
If the contract is just, both divorcing parties will be content with what they agreed upon during the mediation sessions. However, in the case of a family court, the judge may view the agreement to make a ruling on the fairness of the agreement drawn up.
Normally, the agreement is final, which is a relief for both parties, as the conflicts were put to rest during the divorce mediation sessions. In some cases, the partners may require the assistance of a lawyer if the combined assets are high in value or if minor children are involved. If you’re not facing any such issue, you won’t need a lawyer to assist you negotiate the terms and conditions of the contract and through divorce mediation, you’ll be able to take care of all the major aspects of the divorce.
What Does a Marital Settlement Agreement Contain?
Marital settlement agreement contains important categories that will have a profound effect on your life after the divorce is finalized. The divorce mediator will go over one category at a time during the several sessions that you will have with him or her.
The discussion will be about various issues that need to be sorted out before anything is signed. Some of the issues that are discussed include the division of property, division of debts, alimony, visitation rights, child support, and child custody.
These issues during a litigation proceedings can take days to decide, but not during divorce mediation sessions. The reason for this is that both parties enter the mediation session with a cool head and on the basis of creating an understanding between the two instead of adding more fire to the fuel. Here is a list of issues discussed in the meetings:
Minor Children– Who gets the children, visitations days and time, and other issues are discussed.
Alimony– This depends on the laws of the state you filed for divorce in.
Division of Assets– Personal property such as money, stocks, bank accounts, bonds, life insurance policies, retirement accounts, furniture, clothing, cars, and other assets are discussed. Next, on the list to be discussed is real property such as the house or any stores that you own.
Debts– Both of your debts will be discussed in detail, and then will be divided amongst the both of you. However, the debt must be applicable to you and if you were responsible for it, you should take ownership for it to minimize conflict.
After all of these points are covered in detail, the partners will decide what they want to do and draft the marital settlement agreement.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
How do you know when it’s finally over between the two of you? Taking off your wedding ring is an obvious sign that you’re no longer interested in working on the marriage. So, do you bury it in your closet or sell it? Burying it in the closet will not help you move on, but selling it will give you some composure.
Your wedding ring can be included as part of the divorce proceedings. The fate of the wedding ring will be in the hands of the judge, not you. Well, that is somewhat unfair, as you should be the one to decide the fate of your property, from the house down to the wedding ring. Do you know what?
We agree with you! You should have a say, as it’s your future that’s being decided here. Divorce litigation will be unfair to both of you, and not to mention brutal, if the judge decides to award your wedding ring to your partner. If both of you come to a mutual understanding and decide to go with divorce mediation, your views and opinions will be heard.
How Divorce Mediation Works in Your Favor
Divorce mediation requires your partner and you to be upfront with each other regarding all the financial documents such as pending debts, income, retirement, assets, and property, including the wedding ring. During divorce mediation, you can raise questions regarding the validity of the financial documents presented before you that is if you suspect your partner isn’t disclosing something he or she should.
After everything is out in the open and you don’t suspect foul play, you can raise the question about the future of the wedding ring. Since your partner and you understand the sentimental value behind a small piece of jewelry, you will be better suited to make a decision regarding its fate.
Even though selling the wedding ring is the most chosen option, people have opted to keep the wedding ring to turn it into something new or pass it down to their daughter or son, if they have children. Sometimes, the partners don’t mind their ex not sharing the profit of the ring with them, if they decide to sell it. Therefore, divorce mediation tops the list of ways to obtain a divorce on your own terms and conditions, without harboring any bad blood in the end of it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
In most Orange County divorce cases, there are a lot of different complex things involved, which are intricately linked to the separation and future of the spouses. In such cases, one of the aspects involved is financial. Finances play a vital part in the everyday life of any person, and when it comes to divorce, this issue is one of the most hotly contested ones. Spouses often tend to complain of financial issues during and after divorce, and the best way to avoid such situations is to take the necessary steps to protect yourself during the divorce process.
Here are a few tips on how you can protect yourself financially during divorce proceedings:
· Make Sure You Get Your Joint Credit Cards Cancelled
Cancelling your joint credit cards is one of the most important steps to try and protect yourself financially during divorce. When you have made up your mind to get your credit cards cancelled, make sure you keep your spouse uninformed about the developments. Any information of this act before hand can leave enough time for them to charge hundreds to thousands of dollars for themselves. Inform them of the cancellation after it has been done, and tell them that you intended on doing so because the joint nature of the card meant you were equally entitled to pay for them.
· Make Sure You Take Care Of The Joint Bank Accounts
One of the most common acts done by spouses in divorce proceedings is to clean up the joint bank accounts and hit the other spouse hard with this act financially. To avoid this issue, the best way is to move to another bank and open a new individual amount and take the cash that is rightfully yours from the joint account into the new individual account. After you have done so, it is important that you notify the other spouse of this through a letter. In most cases, the courts will have no problems in such an act as long as it can be proved that the fortune transferred was rightfully yours.
· Have a Talk about Extra Property and Expenses
One of the oldest ways to make sure your finances are protected is by cutting back on expenses. You need to, at some point or another, sit down with your spouse and talk about the unnecessary expenses and how they should be eliminated. An example of unnecessary expenses can be extra telephone lines and cable TV. It is also important to talk to your spouse about the extra property that is deemed unwanted by both, and whether it should be disposed off. All such properties like cameras and extra vehicles will be deemed community property and it will be an uphill task to sell them.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
No matter how old they are when you and your significant other decide to part ways, your children will still be greatly affected by the divorce. It will be up to you and your partner to see to it that they handle the news well. Don’t bombard them with the news when they least expect it, but explain to them why both of you have taken this decision.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
