Going through a divorce can take a toll on your health and your mood. You don’t feel as energetic and full of life as you used to. Most of the time, you probably sulk around the house or apartment that you’re now living in wondering why this happened to you.
Now, you’ll have to drag yourself to court each day to look him or her in the eye, something that you wish you didn’t have to. The end of the marriage will not be as amicable as the beginning was, and the burden of knowing that may be slowly eating you up inside. The moment that you may dread the most is having your failed marriage on display for others to see and talk about how you failed to work out the differences.
You fear that they will deem you responsible or side with your partner without knowing the whole truth. That’s when you wish to hide in your room and never come out. Do you know what we think about your self-defeating thoughts? We want you to stop telling yourself that it was your fault or that you didn’t try hard enough.
Instead, tell yourself that you gave it your all, but this was how it was meant to be. However, it’s easier said than done, as going to court and seeing him blame you or go after your kids, if you have any, may devastate and break you. In order to stay strong and rise above the self-defeating thoughts, try to convince your partner to try divorce mediation.
How Will Divorce Mediation Help You Squash Your Negative Thoughts?
Divorce mediation will provide you with a peace of mind. How? Unlike in litigation proceedings where it’s a do or die situation, in divorce mediation, both parties are putting their differences behind them and moving forward with the divorce in a mature manner. All the petty and major issues are addressed with their solutions drawn up. Each party gets to tell their side of the story, why they need this, and whether something can be exchanged.
In doing so, it creates a better understanding between the two parties, helping them come up with a solution to a problem that will benefit both of them. Moreover, it gives you the opportunity to depart on good terms so if you see your ex later on in life, neither of you will feel furious or cheated by each other.
If you have children, divorce mediation should be at top of your list anyways. No parent would like to put his or her children through the turmoil of seeing two angry parents. Through divorce mediation, you will be able to drop your child off to your ex’s house without any hesitation and resentment.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Most divorces, however amicably they are resolved, tend to leave a stressful impact on both the parties that are involved. A divorce is a life changing experience and hence, it is definite that it is likely to have ramifications on your future, and not just your present. When you know that there will be an impact of your divorce on the future, you should try to make sure that impact is positive. To make sure you have a bright future, there are few tips that you should follow after your divorce.
· Stay Positive
The most common mindset after a divorce, is to continue to recall the negative aspects of the divorce and feel pain over them time and again. The best way to tackle such a situation is to look at the bright side. Look at the positive aspects that might come as a result of the divorce and continue to concentrate on them.
· Talk to Your Spouse, Clear the Air
However long your marriage would have lasted, it was still one of the most beautiful relations in the world for you. After it has ended, there shouldn’t be a sense of bitterness among the two of you. The best way to ensure you stay free of stress and disarray, you should clear the air with your spouse. Establish and maintain good communications with your spouse, especially if you have kids.
· Take Care of Yourself
The best way to have a good future is to stay in fine shape and good health throughout. It is often seen that people tend to stop caring about themselves when they have just gone through a divorce. It is important that in such times of high stress, you eat and sleep right, or else you will be risking your health.
· Give Respect To Get Respect
The easiest thing to do is to bad mouth your spouse once the Orange County divorce proceedings are over. The more you talk negatively about your spouse, the greater the amount of negativity that will surround you. This point is highly applicable if you have kids with your spouse. Kids can be very badly affected by divorce, and the last thing they would want at such a juncture is to hear negative talks about their other parent.
· Be Strong Where You Have To Be
Sometimes if you aren’t string for your point of view, it is seen as your declaration of defeat. That however, should not be the case. One aspect of making sure life after divorce is better is that you have to ensure you get your rights in the divorce. Stand strong on issues such as child support, alimony payments, and divisions of assets in the court, and don’t get bullied into agreeing anything.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Same sex divorce and dissolution of domestic partnership mediation can help your partner and you end your marriage or domestic partnership on amicable terms. If things aren’t working out between the two of you, both of you can seek a divorce mediator. However, before you do, you should know that same sex marriage is not legal in every state and the laws to grant a divorce are different from straight couples. Following are some differences that same sex couples should know:
1. Location of Marriage
Same sex couples that married in a state that legalized same sex marriage, but live in a state that has yet to, need to file in the state that recognized their union in order to get a divorce. Additionally, the same sex couples need to be a resident of the state that they are filing. For instance, California, which allows same sex couples to get married, requires them to live there for six months.
2. Living in Two Different States
Same sex couples that no longer live with each other, but are separated and living in different states will come across certain challenges. For instance, you live in Ohio where same sex marriage is recognized while your partner moved to Iowa that doesn’t recognize the union. For all medical decisions, your ex in Iowa will be in-charge of making medical decisions. Even if Iowa doesn’t recognize the union, it recognizes medical decisions.
3. You Cannot Remarry, Unless Divorced
Same sex couples need to take extra care when moving on to the next relationship, especially if they haven’t filed for divorce. If they become married again, they will face a bigamy charge. You will have to get a divorce in the state you got married, before moving on.
4. Laws Are Always Changing
Laws change constantly, which means that the laws of a particular state that doesn’t allow same sex marriages can change as well. If they do change while the same sex couple is still living there, they will get all the rights of a married couple. This means that both of you will now be eligible for divorce.
5. Child Custody Problems
If you and your partner adopted a child together, you will not be treated any differently in the court of law than other married couples. The proceedings of who gets custody of the child are the same for them as they are for everyone else. Just as every other soon to be divorced couple, you and your partner will have to sit down with a divorce mediator to decide who gets custody on what days.
6. Pre-Nuptial Agreement
Although most straight couples may seek a pre-nuptial agreement, if they have anything to lose if a divorce occurs, most same sex couples do not. Since same sex marriages are fairly new, most of them do not have a pre-nuptial agreement.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Being a good parent to your child does not have anything to do with your marriage being intact. This statement is important to remember for parents who tend to get depressed at the prospect of single parenting after and during an Orange County divorce. Children who live with single parents lead a different life, and the parent who has custody needs to be on top of things at all times. You have to realize that the responsibilities you shared with your partner in raising your children are now yours to bear.
We know that whether the household of the single parent is under a father or a mother, parenting through a divorce, and after it, can be a huge task to fulfill. Here are some tips on how to make sure you maintain your quality of parenting.
· In Your House Only You Rule
The most important part about parenting is being able to set boundaries. The faster you set boundaries and the clearer they are, the easier parenting will become for you. One of the biggest mistakes that single parents can do is to give their children the status that is equal to peers, thereby undermining their own authority over them. While this may, in the short term, make for a pleasant time. This is likely to catch up with you over the long term, and lack of discipline and control over the child is the most obvious drawback of this strategy. To make sure you stay an effective parent, keep that control and authority over your child intact.
· Believe In Yourself And The Task At Hand
The only way you can make sure you are a good single parent for your child during the divorce proceedings is to know that you are capable of being one. Belief is vital to achieve anything, especially an uphill task such as this one. To have the best shot at being a successful parent, you should be highly motivated. The only thing worst for your child to see his parents breakup is to see the parent in charge of him doubting his own ability. Believe in yourself, keep a positive approach, and stay positive throughout the parenting process.
· Deal With The Increased Stress And Know Your Limitations
It is common for single parents to start to feel consumed and choked by the large volume of responsibilities arriving suddenly after a divorce. At this point, it is important that you keep your calm and channel your energy first of all to try and prioritize the task, and then to effectively tackle them one by one. At the end of the day, you should always remember that you are only one person and can only do so much. You’ll need to talk to your children and work with them as a team. Don’t worry, it’s all worth it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
When some people are thinking of mediating their divorce, some friends or family might say things like “If you don’t fight for your rights, you’re giving up” or “If you choose divorce mediation, you’re automatically making your partner win.” People in the process of choosing divorce mediation or going through mediation probably heard remarks made to them similar to the ones just mentioned by their relatives and friends. Is choosing divorce mediation really a way for the other person to give up or give in? No, that’s a common misconception that most people have about divorce mediation. In reality, it is the complete opposite of what people perceive it to be.
Divorce Mediation—A Way to Cope
If you pick divorce mediation, you’re not writing off your rights, but are bypassing all the mess that comes with litigation. Instead of spending your time at court quarrelling, you’re seated in a room, calmly discussing what needs to be done and how the property in question needs to be divided fairly. In the room, you’re in control of what you think you should get.
After a few productive sessions, you will be able to come to a resolution quicker and safer, as you’re not putting each other in the spot. Plus, it’s a cheaper alternative to litigation, which is one of its main selling points. During mediation, you will be able to understand each other’s point of view and from where each person is coming from. Does litigation let you make fair judgments about your future? Litigation will drag you down with it, but mediation will empower you. So, how can anyone label litigation as an indication that you have given up.
Why Divorce Mediation isn’t a Sign of Giving Up
Divorce mediation will assist you come to a conclusion that’s agreed upon by both parties. It will let two people warring with each other see the bigger picture and the impact of their decision will have on each other. You will be able to handle your problems with bliss and harmony, which is what you really want after a divorce or maybe you want to look at each other with disdain the rest of your lives. More probably, the first choice will resonate with both of you, as who doesn’t prefer for their matters to be settled peacefully.
Divorce Mediation Is a Stress-Free Method to Get Out of Your Divorce
Divorce mediation is a stress-free method to get you out of your divorce. Through mediation, you will be able to talk to each other about issues plaguing your marriage from the start. It will help you come to an understanding of what to do with the property such as the house or a car after your marriage dissolves. The best part is that you will avoid all types of stress that results when you go through dissolution of a marriage.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Marital settlement agreement is a contract signed by both parties, agreeing on the terms and conditions decided by them during the divorce mediation process. The contract is then made part of the dissolution of marriage order and has the same impact as a judge would have if he or she had decided on who gets what in court.
If the contract is just, both divorcing parties will be content with what they agreed upon during the mediation sessions. However, in the case of a family court, the judge may view the agreement to make a ruling on the fairness of the agreement drawn up.
Normally, the agreement is final, which is a relief for both parties, as the conflicts were put to rest during the divorce mediation sessions. In some cases, the partners may require the assistance of a lawyer if the combined assets are high in value or if minor children are involved. If you’re not facing any such issue, you won’t need a lawyer to assist you negotiate the terms and conditions of the contract and through divorce mediation, you’ll be able to take care of all the major aspects of the divorce.
What Does a Marital Settlement Agreement Contain?
Marital settlement agreement contains important categories that will have a profound effect on your life after the divorce is finalized. The divorce mediator will go over one category at a time during the several sessions that you will have with him or her.
The discussion will be about various issues that need to be sorted out before anything is signed. Some of the issues that are discussed include the division of property, division of debts, alimony, visitation rights, child support, and child custody.
These issues during a litigation proceedings can take days to decide, but not during divorce mediation sessions. The reason for this is that both parties enter the mediation session with a cool head and on the basis of creating an understanding between the two instead of adding more fire to the fuel. Here is a list of issues discussed in the meetings:
Minor Children– Who gets the children, visitations days and time, and other issues are discussed.
Alimony– This depends on the laws of the state you filed for divorce in.
Division of Assets– Personal property such as money, stocks, bank accounts, bonds, life insurance policies, retirement accounts, furniture, clothing, cars, and other assets are discussed. Next, on the list to be discussed is real property such as the house or any stores that you own.
Debts– Both of your debts will be discussed in detail, and then will be divided amongst the both of you. However, the debt must be applicable to you and if you were responsible for it, you should take ownership for it to minimize conflict.
After all of these points are covered in detail, the partners will decide what they want to do and draft the marital settlement agreement.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
How do you know when it’s finally over between the two of you? Taking off your wedding ring is an obvious sign that you’re no longer interested in working on the marriage. So, do you bury it in your closet or sell it? Burying it in the closet will not help you move on, but selling it will give you some composure.
Your wedding ring can be included as part of the divorce proceedings. The fate of the wedding ring will be in the hands of the judge, not you. Well, that is somewhat unfair, as you should be the one to decide the fate of your property, from the house down to the wedding ring. Do you know what?
We agree with you! You should have a say, as it’s your future that’s being decided here. Divorce litigation will be unfair to both of you, and not to mention brutal, if the judge decides to award your wedding ring to your partner. If both of you come to a mutual understanding and decide to go with divorce mediation, your views and opinions will be heard.
How Divorce Mediation Works in Your Favor
Divorce mediation requires your partner and you to be upfront with each other regarding all the financial documents such as pending debts, income, retirement, assets, and property, including the wedding ring. During divorce mediation, you can raise questions regarding the validity of the financial documents presented before you that is if you suspect your partner isn’t disclosing something he or she should.
After everything is out in the open and you don’t suspect foul play, you can raise the question about the future of the wedding ring. Since your partner and you understand the sentimental value behind a small piece of jewelry, you will be better suited to make a decision regarding its fate.
Even though selling the wedding ring is the most chosen option, people have opted to keep the wedding ring to turn it into something new or pass it down to their daughter or son, if they have children. Sometimes, the partners don’t mind their ex not sharing the profit of the ring with them, if they decide to sell it. Therefore, divorce mediation tops the list of ways to obtain a divorce on your own terms and conditions, without harboring any bad blood in the end of it.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
In most Orange County divorce cases, there are a lot of different complex things involved, which are intricately linked to the separation and future of the spouses. In such cases, one of the aspects involved is financial. Finances play a vital part in the everyday life of any person, and when it comes to divorce, this issue is one of the most hotly contested ones. Spouses often tend to complain of financial issues during and after divorce, and the best way to avoid such situations is to take the necessary steps to protect yourself during the divorce process.
Here are a few tips on how you can protect yourself financially during divorce proceedings:
· Make Sure You Get Your Joint Credit Cards Cancelled
Cancelling your joint credit cards is one of the most important steps to try and protect yourself financially during divorce. When you have made up your mind to get your credit cards cancelled, make sure you keep your spouse uninformed about the developments. Any information of this act before hand can leave enough time for them to charge hundreds to thousands of dollars for themselves. Inform them of the cancellation after it has been done, and tell them that you intended on doing so because the joint nature of the card meant you were equally entitled to pay for them.
· Make Sure You Take Care Of The Joint Bank Accounts
One of the most common acts done by spouses in divorce proceedings is to clean up the joint bank accounts and hit the other spouse hard with this act financially. To avoid this issue, the best way is to move to another bank and open a new individual amount and take the cash that is rightfully yours from the joint account into the new individual account. After you have done so, it is important that you notify the other spouse of this through a letter. In most cases, the courts will have no problems in such an act as long as it can be proved that the fortune transferred was rightfully yours.
· Have a Talk about Extra Property and Expenses
One of the oldest ways to make sure your finances are protected is by cutting back on expenses. You need to, at some point or another, sit down with your spouse and talk about the unnecessary expenses and how they should be eliminated. An example of unnecessary expenses can be extra telephone lines and cable TV. It is also important to talk to your spouse about the extra property that is deemed unwanted by both, and whether it should be disposed off. All such properties like cameras and extra vehicles will be deemed community property and it will be an uphill task to sell them.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
When it comes to kids, almost all parents are protective and want to ensure that their kids are left without the greatest worries in the world. Taking that into perspective, when parents decide to go through a divorce, parents want their children to stay immune from the effects of the divorce. This is vital, because one of the parties that is heavily affected by divorce proceedings are the children. It is not uncommon for children of broken marriages to end up with several emotional and psychological issues and so it is vital that parents try and work to keep their children away from their divorce.
Here are 10 tips to make sure your kids are kept away from the effects of your Orange County divorce proceedings:
It is important that whenever you talk to your children, there is no mention of your former spouse in the negative sense. Irrespective of your feelings towards your spouse, the kids will still regard them as part of their family and such comments are likely to affect them mentally.
It is best for you to avoid any kind of arguments with your divorced spouse. Arguments are never perceived healthily by children, and for them to see their two favorite companions in life fight it out will be mental torture.
Don’t talk about legal or financial issues in front of your child.
One of the worst things you can do is use your child as a means to communicate with your ex spouse. To make sure your child is kept away from the toxic effects of your divorce case, it is important that normal communication continues between you and your spouse.
Don’t ask your child questions about your spouse. Kids are suspicious and the wee bit of over indulgence that you show will alert them that you are using them as a spy on their other parent.
Make sure your child meets the other spouse whenever they want. Using child visitation and custody as a weapon leaves your child vulnerable to the toxic effects of divorce.
Don’t tell your child they have to decide who to live with when their parents get divorced. Such a statement is likely to be interpreted by the child as their time of choosing between both parents and that will never go down well with them.
Make it your Job to categorically tell your children that the separation is by no means their fault.
Take your visitations seriously and arrive on time always. After divorce, you should make your child an even greater priority. Not showing up on visitations leaves the children devastated.
Take interest in the activities, working, and conversations of your child during your custodial time. It is integral for you to show your child affection and try to make up for the torment of divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
If your child lives with you, but has to be away from you for periods of time, it can be tough. Even though your child is with your ex, you still feel as if a part of you is missing. Even if your child stays with you for a longer time, you still feel a form of separation anxiety when they are away. Did you know that you aren’t the only one feeling that way?
Your ex and your child feel exactly as you do. No one likes to be away from their kid just as no child likes to be away from their parents. Therefore, you along with your ex and child will have to learn how to manage handovers. Follow these six tips to learn to manage handovers:
1. Understand Other People’s Feelings
When you have to give up your child to your ex, you feel nervous and anxious while the receiving end feels excited. Both parties need to understand each other’s feelings in order to make a smooth transition. Don’t approach the handover with resentment, but know that the other party in a couple of weeks will feel the same way as you do now.
2. Do Not Bring the Entire Family to the Handover
The handover isn’t easy for your child, as he or she will be joining one parent and leaving behind the other. It may be an emotional time for both the parents and the child. Therefore, you need to make it between just the three of you. This means to leave the grandparents, stepchildren, stepparents, and best friends at home.
3. Comprehend Your Child’s Feelings
Your child may be the most vulnerable during a handover. Children will act differently and their behavior may change as the time nears for the handover to occur. You will need to comprehend your child’s feelings and not lash out at them if they feel the need to rebel. It’s preferred that you sit them down, both before and after the handover to talk to them about it. When your child arrives back home, give him or her time to adjust to the surroundings.
4. Do Not Fight with Your Ex
It’s given that your ex and you may not get along with each other very well and you may take his or her outburst against you as a personal attack. The unexpected outbursts or taunts may occur at the handover, which you need to learn to ignore. Remember, the person giving their child away at the handover may say something hurtful to their ex, as they are probably already hurting from inside.
5. Do Not Rush Your Child to Spend Time with You
The parents getting the child may be over the moon with excitement and may want to spend time with them immediately. However, your child may not feel the same, especially on their first day with you. So, don’t pressure your child, but give them time to adjust.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Going through a divorce can take a toll on your health and your mood. You don’t feel as energetic and full of life as you used to. Most of the time, you probably sulk around the house or apartment that you’re now living in wondering why this happened to you.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
