When it comes to kids, almost all parents are protective and want to ensure that their kids are left without the greatest worries in the world. Taking that into perspective, when parents decide to go through a divorce, parents want their children to stay immune from the effects of the divorce. This is vital, because one of the parties that is heavily affected by divorce proceedings are the children. It is not uncommon for children of broken marriages to end up with several emotional and psychological issues and so it is vital that parents try and work to keep their children away from their divorce.
Here are 10 tips to make sure your kids are kept away from the effects of your Orange County divorce proceedings:
It is important that whenever you talk to your children, there is no mention of your former spouse in the negative sense. Irrespective of your feelings towards your spouse, the kids will still regard them as part of their family and such comments are likely to affect them mentally.
It is best for you to avoid any kind of arguments with your divorced spouse. Arguments are never perceived healthily by children, and for them to see their two favorite companions in life fight it out will be mental torture.
Don’t talk about legal or financial issues in front of your child.
One of the worst things you can do is use your child as a means to communicate with your ex spouse. To make sure your child is kept away from the toxic effects of your divorce case, it is important that normal communication continues between you and your spouse.
Don’t ask your child questions about your spouse. Kids are suspicious and the wee bit of over indulgence that you show will alert them that you are using them as a spy on their other parent.
Make sure your child meets the other spouse whenever they want. Using child visitation and custody as a weapon leaves your child vulnerable to the toxic effects of divorce.
Don’t tell your child they have to decide who to live with when their parents get divorced. Such a statement is likely to be interpreted by the child as their time of choosing between both parents and that will never go down well with them.
Make it your Job to categorically tell your children that the separation is by no means their fault.
Take your visitations seriously and arrive on time always. After divorce, you should make your child an even greater priority. Not showing up on visitations leaves the children devastated.
Take interest in the activities, working, and conversations of your child during your custodial time. It is integral for you to show your child affection and try to make up for the torment of divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Military personnel are considered the protectors of the nation, who lay down their lives to defend the country we love. While all of us have respect for the military personnel that protect our motherland, have any of us wondered if their legal rights are similar to that of a common U.S. citizen? Military personnel have a life that’s for the most part alien compared to the life we have.
Most military men and women, however, do get married like the rest of us and they too can have problems in their married life. Problems in married life usually spell out divorce and there can be instances where divorce is the only option left for such personnel. While the process of family law or divorce mediation is rather hassle free and easy to go through, there can be complications if the dispute involves a current military personnel as one of the spouses.
The Issues They May Face
It should be clear by now that the military personnel have the same legal rights as that of us civilians and are likely to face the same issues we face and maybe more. At the time of the divorce, military personnel can go through issues such as:
Child custody
Child Support
Alimony payments
Division of assets
Rights of Modifications
The Benefits
There are two ways to a divorce available to them, getting a divorce through litigation or getting Orange County divorce mediation. While both are likely to get the desired result of separation and ending of marriage, it is recommended that family law and divorce mediation is used because it is a cheaper and more private for the spouses to settle their differences and agree to a solution and a post divorce agreement. Privacy is likely to be an important consideration for military personnel because they wouldn’t want the respect that comes with being military personnel to be tarnished by any such cases and bad publicity.
The View of the Law
The act that governs how civil matters apply to military personnel is the Service Members Civil Relief Act. It has a provision which doesn’t allow the lawsuits against members of the military that are currently deployed from going ahead. This act is of great aid to military personnel since it protects them in matters such as child custody, alimony payments/spousal support, and even divorce litigation proceedings.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
For most couples that have been part of a divorce, finances and declaration of the financial situation of the spouses is vital to the mediation process. All through this blog, we’ll talk about why financial declaration is vital for couples to carry out.
A divorce mediator should help their clients complete their Preliminary Declarations of Disclosure forms before the mediation process begins, which includes the Schedule of Assets and Income and Expense Declaration forms. For those of you who are wondering about the importance of these forms and the reasons as to why they are filled, here are a few answers that will help you out:
If you neglect to properly complete your Financial Disclosure, your Agreement can be nullified
California divorce mediators want the couples to have an agreement at the end of the mediation process. This agreement should be fair and equitable to both parties so that it can be adjudged as legal in the Family law courts. According to the Section 2107(d) of the California Family Code, a judge can set aside any such agreement if there hasn’t been complete financial disclosure. Mediation and sorting your issues out can be a strenuous and tedious task. Nobody wants a simple mistake like non disclosure to destroy their mutually agreed on terms.
It can be a calming influence
Going into divorce is just like going into a dark room. There is a considerable amount of uneasiness and stress underlying in the minds of both the spouses. The most important reason for this is usually the uncertainty over financial security and wellbeing. The best way to avoid such situations and make the divorce easier is by getting the couple to talk about their finances candidly. A good Orange County divorce mediator will make sure financial disclosure is the first thing couples go through so that calmness and certainty can prevail.
A bed rock for Cooperation
Divorce mediation unlike litigation requires harmony, peace, and collaboration between both the parties in order to be fruitful and beneficial. Transparency and good faith are the roots of an effective California divorce mediation. This transparency and good faith can only be achieved when the couples are open about one of the personal aspects of someone’s life, i.e. their finances. If each spouse is upfront and honest about their finances, there will be a greater cooperation and team work among the divorcing couples.
Makes your decisions better
What is the key to a good decision? Information! The more knowledge you have about something, the higher the chances of you making a better decision. Financial disclosure allows the couples this leverage of information. The more they know about each other’s financial positions, the more equitable an agreement they’ll agree on regarding financial security.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Some parties come to divorce mediation in Orange County and elsewhere because of the cost advantages of this process over litigation. This is a valid reason since divorce mediation is considerably more cost-efficient when compared to litigation as there is no need for two separate attorneys and court fees. As such, the financial considerations are understandably the reasons why people come to divorce mediation. There are, however, other costs as well that justifies considering divorce mediation over litigation.
Cost of Emotions
This isn’t a monetary expense, yet it is a heavy cost that most couples have to pay in the litigation process. Mediation, on the other hand, is your chance to significantly minimize the emotional costs. Why? Good Orange County divorce mediators are adept at handling the emotional side of divorces and will be good comforters to you. Unlike the aggressive court proceedings, here the mediator will tend to keep a tab on emotions and make sure the mediation is carried out in a peaceful and calm manner. When you are emotionally charged, especially if you have kids,, breaking down emotionally isn’t an option. A good divorce mediator will act as a calming influence in your life and help you get through the rough patch unscathed.
Lack of Attendance on Job/Business
This is a monetary expense just like the financial costs. In court cases and litigation processes, each spouse will have to make court appearances. These court appearances can range from a few to many, as all hearings are usually necessary to attend. The hearing is scheduled after seeing the availability of the judge and both the spouses’ attorneys. This means that the spouses will have to attend the hearings on the date set irrespective of their schedule. In most cases their job and their business will be neglected on such days, and this can be really costly. In contrast, in divorce mediation, the dates for the process are set according to the availability of both the spouses and are flexible to change.
Out-of-the-Blue Financial Hardships
Starting a divorce through an attorney means that each spouse has likely paid an initial retainer fee. The retainer fee is the advance of all the meetings and calls that the attorney will have and charge at an hourly rate. However, it is common in court cases for clients and attorneys to contact one another multiple times. This means a spouse is likely to have very high legal fees. A spouse may also be needed to pay extra amounts for accountants and other experts that are called in to help resolve the case.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Welcome to California Divorce Mediator’s PODCAST explaining some of the hard facts and harsh realities about the current divorce process in the United States.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Welcome to California Divorce Mediator’s PODCAST explaining how divorce mediation can save the financial future of your children and your family.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Most fights and disagreements in a relationship usually start by verbal tirades against one another. Effective communication is vital for the health and success of a relationship. Communication, however, can’t be limited to either verbal or non verbal. The cause for most fights is a lack of effective communication.
Imagine someone is saying something pleasant to you and you start to give them an angry stare. The other person is likely to feel perplexed and confused. This shows how verbal communication needs to be coupled with non verbal communication to fulfill the goal of communication.
Here are a few tips on effective communication with your spouse so that you avoid fights and disagreements in your relationship that can ultimately lead to a divorce.
1. Be Crystal Clear
When you are communicating with your spouse, you need to speak your mind clearly. If you talk fast, you need to go a little slow and if you are hard to comprehend, you need to repeat it multiple times so that there are no misconceptions that are left after your message. While most people find it annoying to repeat themselves again and again, it is unavoidable at times. You have to realize that the effort you are putting into effective communication is never in vain.
2. Own Your Thoughts
Very few people have the ability to judge the feelings that sometimes creep into you. To be good at communication, you need to have a clear head and for that you need to know what you are feeling and take clear stances on what you like or dislike. If you think during a discussion that something is not right, you should not compromise and agree to it, instead you should say what is in your heart. If you do not speak up, your emotions will get bottled up and will increase your chances of a meltdown.
3. Be Expressive
Bottling up your feelings will always be harmful to you one way or another. The key to effective communication is saying whatever you feel like saying. If you have underlying feelings of discontent, they are likely to show on the non-verbal communication front. Even if the feelings are of love and appreciation, make sure they are expressed to make your partner feel valued.
4. Be All Ears
Any relationship is a two-wheel drive and for the car to function properly both the wheels need to be on equal footing. Being an effective communicator is going to take you far, but to go the distance, your communication skills and your ability to be a good listener should be polished. Relationships are about understanding one another and the best way to do that is to listen to the other person.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Feelings of guilt, shame, disappointment, and fear of the unknown are common in people who are going through or have gone through a divorce. When a relationship starts to fall apart, the dreams of the couples are shattered causing most couples to feel like a failure while others may make themselves immune of whatever is happening around them by acting as uninformed. While such feelings are bound to exist, and are normal to experience, the news of your Orange County divorce needs to be told to a few people. Here are a few of the people who you should tell about your divorce.
Family
When we say family, we mean your immediate family. These consist of your children, your parents, and you siblings. The most important part is telling your children because this decision will have an ever lasting impact on their lives. Making sure you tell them in a way that they understand is vital. While they are being told about this decision, there has to reiterations to them about your love and care for them. Your parents and siblings will act as your buffer. They are likely to help you get through this difficult period and assure you of their acceptance of you and your decision.
Friends
Your friends mean your closest friends. These people have been closest to you for a number of years and just like all the other secrets you can share with them, they need to know about your divorce. Your friends are your main support group. They will help you avoid that feeling of being alone and hounded.
Financial Advisor
Your financial advisor should know that you are going through a divorce irrespective if it’s a divorce mediation or litigation. These are the people who’ll help draw up your financial list and tell you what you’ll need in terms of finances in the post divorce time. It is important that you and your financial advisor are honest about your assets because hiding assets and lying about them will only draw the divorce longer.
Business Partner
If you own any kind of a business in partnership, you need to inform your business partner(s) regarding your divorce. This is important because your divorce can have an impact on the division of shares and profits and other financial matters, and the other stakeholders in the business should know about it.
Estate Planning Attorney
Your estate and property are all part of your list of assets, and during a divorce these are likely to have an impact. Telling this to your estate planner is vital because they’ll help you in the planning for the future and figuring out the best picks in your divorce mediation agreement.
Irrespective of the method of divorce you choose, the myth that divorce should be secretive and kept between the lawyers and the concerned parties only isn’t true. To help you through a divorce both emotionally and financially, you need people and they need to be informed about your decision. While the method does not matter in terms of informing others, it matters if you want a smooth divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When you hear about holidays, your mind goes back to the fun filled Halloweens of the past years, the Hanukkah, Christmas, and Thanksgiving events that were loads of excitement and fun. These memories are likely to bring a smile on your face. Holidays are that time of the year that is made to be enjoyed with your family. Yet this time of the year can be a source of stress and anxiety to the divorced parents and the children of divorce who once enjoyed these festivities with both their parents but are now made to alternate between parents.
Here are a few tips for those parents that will help make the holiday period more joyful for themselves and their children.
Take a Break from the Power Struggle
Power struggles are common between divorced parents and all these ever do is increase the negativity among the parents and have a depressing effect on the children. Power struggles are likely to be initiated near holiday period and is likely to be about who gets the child at what time and distribution of their times. The good way to enjoy your holiday is taking a break from the fight, and being flexible, let your ex have the way as long as the children and you enjoy. A good fight-free start to the holiday period is usually a good omen for the rest of the holiday season.
Go Easy on the Spending
It is very normal for divorced parents to try and overcompensate to make sure their children don’t feel the changes in family. This is not the wisest thing to do. Parents who feel guilty about the problems their children have had to face because of their divorce, while it might cheer your child up then, it will give you the blues after the holiday period. It’s better to spend more time with your children instead of spending more on them.
Be Happy, Laugh
Yes, the family separation would have been painful but laughing is a good way to enjoy your holidays. Children laugh naturally, but adults tend to laugh a little less as they grow older. Let your inner child out during the festive season and have fun with you children, nothing will make your children happier than seeing you happy.
Even if the children have spent the holidays with their other parent, encourage them to share their happy experiences and laugh with them on it. Remember, kids want your approval on things and having a laugh on their fun is going to let them enjoy even more.
All these tips require no technical or financial expertise. To stay happy you need the will and the desire to stay happy, and then happiness will come. Make sure this happiness is maintained for you and your children. We hope our tips help you live a happier festive season.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce Mediation is one of the most underrated methods of dispute resolution. California Divorce mediation services are underused by couples who are unaware of the potential of divorce mediation in Orange County. Most couples don’t know the benefits of divorce mediation, and end up going through messy divorces that hurt them financially as well as emotionally and psychologically. Why is it a better way? The answer to this question is plain and simple. All issues that a judge can solve can be solved by using divorce mediation services. Divorce mediation means not going to court and therefore protecting the privacy of the couples. Here is a list of issues that divorce mediation can solve:
Division of Property
Property in divorce proceeding means real estate, vehicles, savings accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, furniture, etc. A judge in this situation would probably order that the assets be divided into half, unless some kind of a prenuptial agreement is involved. Divorce mediation instead allows the couple to make trades on properties, meaning that they can decide which assets who should keep and what should be given to the other. While it sounds like a long and complicated process, it is made easy by experienced mediators.
Child Support
The State of California has set guidelines on child support. The guidelines outline how much of child support should be paid for each minor. Mediators help couples talk on a number of issues such as who will bear what parts of expenses, who will bear the education costs and the medical expenses, and help them decide on the child support number they can meet.
Division of Debts
Every household in one way or the other is somehow indebted to some bank or lender. This means that in every California divorce, debt discussion has to be done. Debts are usually ranging from loans, credit cards, and other debts that the couple has borrowed over time. There are several reasons for debts such as renovation and over expenditure, etc. Divorce mediators can help devise a plan for debt repayment which is agreeable to both parties.
Custody of the Child
Child custody involves two aspects: legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody means who gets to make the decisions concerning the health, education, and welfare of the children and their upbringing. Physical custody basically means where the child is likely to spend his time in weekends and holidays. Divorce mediators help you create a parenting plan that suits you. A parenting plan is a plan that contains all the details about the child’s time distribution in between the parents in weekends and holidays.
Spousal Support
Spousal Support is the title given to the money that is given by one spouse to the other to help her or him to maintain their lifestyle. These are decided on the standard of living that the couples enjoyed during their marriage. We identify the necessary lifestyle needs of the spouse and then help both the parties agree to a sum that they both feel is fair.
Divorce Mediation is one process that is detailed and all-encompassing, which means it allows the couples to end their marriage with a customized agreement that they both think is fair and just, and cost-effective.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When it comes to kids, almost all parents are protective and want to ensure that their kids are left without the greatest worries in the world. Taking that into perspective, when parents decide to go through a divorce, parents want their children to stay immune from the effects of the divorce. This is vital, because one of the parties that is heavily affected by divorce proceedings are the children. It is not uncommon for children of broken marriages to end up with several emotional and psychological issues and so it is vital that parents try and work to keep their children away from their divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
