Psychological stress during a divorce is common and most individuals who go through a divorce experience it. Often, those who experience psychological stress were not prepared for what was in store for them. The unpreparedness catches them off guard and the consequences are much worse than they are supposed to be. There are different stages of psychological stress during and after a divorce and individuals who are going through one should be wary of them.
Stage 1: Blame
No one wants to admit that the divorce is happening because of them. Everyone wants to blame the spouse for every little thing that may or may not have resulted in the separation. Every couple going through a divorce likes playing the blame game. Also, blaming a spouse for the divorce makes one fell less guilty about the divorce.
Stage 2: Anger
Anger is a common feeling because most feel cheated when their spouse decides to call it quits. However, anger is the cause for treat psychological stress and individuals often find themselves suffering from a range of mental problems.
Stage 3: Sadness
When the divorce finally sinks in, a divorcee mourns the loss of his/her marriage. It is not uncommon to feel this way especially when one individual was happy with the marriage. Sadness is linked with a number of psychological issues with depression being the most common one. A depressed individual will show non-reciprocity towards happy feelings or things that people normally like doing. Depression has been a major cause of concern for many Americans.
Stage 4: Moving on
The time that individuals take to move from stage 3 to stage 4 varies. Some take months, some years while others don’t move at all. Moving on in life involves accepting the situation the way it is. From a psychological point of view, moving on after a divorce means accepting all that is good in life and rejecting those that cause harm.
Conclusion
Divorces are never easy and individuals who go through a divorce are also victims of psychological problems. There are different psychological stages that an individual goes through namely blame, anger, sadness and moving on. The stages start from the time of divorce proceeding and continues long after the divorce gets finalized. It is a good idea to see a counselor or a mediator and in some cases even a psychologist to help you deal with such problems.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Marriages can sometimes be “made in heaven” but for some individuals far from living in paradise their life becomes a living hell. Just because a document says that a man and wife is married does not mean that they will be together for the rest of their lives. A separation or divorce can take place any time and no document can give a guarantee that such a thing will never take place. However, many couples decide to split due to lack of proper mediation or counseling. There are ways to save a marriage if one wants too and the following are some of those ways.
Don’t play the victim card
If you are serious about protecting your marriage, stop playing the victim card against your spouse. You may have done it when you decided to separate but don’t do it anymore. Instead, try telling your spouse how important he/she is in your life and why you must stop the divorce from taking place.
Try talking it out
You may have acted erratically when things went wrong but now that you have decided to save your marriage, try talking your partner out of it. Use the help of a mediator if you want but it is very important that you talk with your partner.
Accept your mistakes
It takes a lot of courage to accept that one is wrong. Try pin-pointing the mistakes that you may have made knowingly or unknowingly during your marriage and accept them. Accepting your mistakes will also make you spouse realize his/hers mistake and this strategy is one of the best ways to save a marriage.
Hire a good mediator
A good and experienced mediator will make sure that your thoughts and feelings are conveyed in the most effective manner to your spouse. A mediator’s job is to ensure that things remain as smooth as possible between two individuals. The goal of mediation is not to ensure that the divorce does not take place but to ensure that if it happens, it happens due to the right reasons.
Conclusion
Many individuals want to give another shot at their marriage and try to find ways to reconcile with their spouse. One of the best ways to do it is by accepting one’s mistake. Hiring a mediator works well and in many cases, mediators have been able to save couples from a divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Most people avoid talking about their divorce as much as they can because it is certainly not a happy story that they would want to talk about. While some marriages end in divorce, it is also not true that every divorce is a bad divorce. There are ways to have an amicable divorce and here’s 5 ways in which you can do it.
Talk to your spouse
It is very important that you talk with your spouse about the divorce. Instead of having heated arguments, try talking about it amicably. Sometimes, divorces happen due to misunderstandings and maybe if you clear the air, there will be room for another chance. Even if the divorce takes place you’ll at least know that you tried your best to prevent it.
Hire a good mediator
The main job of a mediator is to ensure that your divorce takes place in the best way possible. Instead of opting for a court-appointed mediator, hire one on your own. There are good mediators available in California and you can choose whomever you like. Often, a mediator succeeds in calling off the divorce but that mostly depends on the willingness of you and your spouse.
Support each other
Support is very important when it comes to divorces. It may not be entirely your fault that you’re getting a divorce but remember that any negativity that you show will affect you in the end. So, it’s better to support each other not only financially but also emotionally as well.
Give each other time to adjust
A divorce brings a change in a person’s lifestyle and to adjust to the new way of life every individual need’s time and space. When a divorce has been confirmed, give each other the time to cope with what the future holds for them now.
Don’t rush into it
A divorce is not to be taken lightly and should not be rushed. Be patient and consider the changes that you and your spouse will have to deal with. Often, rash decisions lead to bad results.
Conclusion
A divorce does not necessarily have to end on a bad note. It can be done amicably provided you and your spouse are ready to listen to each other. Hire a good and experienced mediator to help you go through an amicable divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Late life divorces are increasing in number as more and more people live longer. A recent study has revealed that one in every four divorces are late-life divorces. Like any divorce, a late-life divorce can be hard hitting on the financial front. But a late-life divorce could ruin people with the best retirement plans.
The cost of living separately is much higher than the cost of living together as the number of accommodations and facilities double. In simpler words, an elderly couple that have been together for a long period of time would have likely planned their retirement together. When a divorce is filed, one of the spouses will have to move out and more often than not, have to plan separate occasions to meet other family members. All of this, could drive expenses up by 30 or 40 percent.
Anyone involved in a divorce will tell you that it is one of the most expensive scenarios to deal with. For people aged 50 or over, this could spell the destruction of their financial plan altogether. A financial planner or advisor needs to be consulted in order to understand the circumstances. This is especially true, if one of the spouses handled the finances throughout the marriage.
In some cases, retirement benefits might be more valuable than all of the couple’s other community property combined. This might form conflict on the division of the benefits. Some forms of benefits such as social security, military compensation, and workers’ compensation for disability are not considered to be community property and will remain with the individual after divorce.
Retirement Allocations
In California, retirement is considered to be community property that can be divided amongst both spouses. However, retirement divisions are handled outside of the usual divorce proceedings. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) outlines the division of the retirement funds. It is usually filed after the divorce judgment. The QDRO is needed to divide 401k, 403b, profit-sharing plans, tax sheltered annuities and other aspects.
During divorce proceedings, the QDRO calls for the equal division of retirement assets. However, mediation and negotiation can help spouses agree on different rates or division percentages. The QDRO is the final indicator of division of retirement benefits. Divorce attorneys often hire QDRO specialists to help segregation and division. Once both parties have agreed on the division of benefits, a QDRO is filed.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
According to California law, it is the legal duty of both parents to provide financial support to their child/children, even if the parents are not married. The income earned by both parents plays a pivotal role in determining how much support the child/children in concern would need.
Sadly, a lot of parents end up fighting child support by willingly reducing their income. They do this by working fewer hours or by opting to be unemployed on purpose. The motivating factor behind such an action is usually revenge against the spouse or the system. However, the actual victims here are usually the children.
An Overview
As far as California is concerned, child support is a legal obligation until children reach the age of 18 and are out of high school. Under certain conditions, they can be eligible till the age of 19.
It is possible for parents to agree on a certain amount as child support. However, for it to be enforced in the court of law, the case must be presented before a judge. Such a case is usually presented to the judge by either the parent or the California Department of Child Support Services on the child’s behalf.
The amount is usually settled by the court after seeking agreement from both parents.
The child support is paid to the custodial parent, as the law believes that he/she is already spending money on the child by providing care. So, the responsibility of child support falls on the non-custodial parent.
Child support is calculated by taking several factors into consideration such as child-related expenses and income earned by both parents.
Unemployment
Before we understand how unemployment affects a parent who has been ordered to pay child support, we must first look at how child support is determined. There is a formula that is used by the Californian government to calculate child support. As we stated earlier, there are many factors at play here.
To put it simply, it is impossible to avoid child support even when unemployed. For example, Californian courts will look at other income sources such as dividends from bonds or stocks, rent, unemployment benefits and health insurance etc.
In other words, the court will impute income to the unemployed parent. They will consider the concerned parent’s ability and willingness to work, while also assessing available opportunities to work. If there are no valid reasons to support the unemployment, the parent will be forced to pay child support one way or another. The parent can try modifying the child support order to avoid paying, but, that rarely works.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Anyone of the spouses in marriage or as a partner in registered domestic partnership has the right to request the court to terminate their legal relationship. Your domestic partner or spouse has requested the court to end the relationship in case you received a summons and petition for legal separation or dissolution (divorce). In Orange County, CA, the court has the power to end domestic partnership or marriage even if the other partner is unwilling to be legally separated or divorced.
Response options
In case you are served with summons and petition, then you are regarded as the respondent in the court case for legal separation or divorce. You must carefully read papers served on you. The Petition informs you what your domestic partner or spouse (the petitioner) has asked for. You can get important information concerning your rights from The Summons and about the process of separation or divorce. There will be standard restraining orders which will restrict what you can do with the property, assets or debts. You or your partner or spouse can be prohibited to move out of state with children borne from the partnership or marriage. You may also be stopped from applying or renewal of passport for the children, without prior written consent. A court order could be required.
Options after personal service has been done
You have a number of options after being served. The easiest thing to do is to do absolutely nothing. If you take this path, then demands of your partner will be granted in its entirety. This situation is termed a “default judgment.” If your agreement is written and notarized and where you and your domestic partner or spouse has agreed to end the partnership or marriage, then also you have to do nothing. If you and your spouse agree about other things like property division, partner or spousal support, then it is also termed as “default with agreement”. This is due to the fact that you have not filed for any response.
Other ways of responding include filing a response with court but also reaching agreement with your domestic partner or spouse about all issues. This option is regarded as an “uncontested” divorce case as you and your domestic partner or spouse is not battling over issues. If you file a response with court, and also disagree with domestic partner or spouse, then it is regarded as a “contested divorce.”
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce mediation is an attractive process for California couples that seek to resolve their disputes amicably without the need to have a public battle in court. However, there are still a lot of things that people do not know about divorce mediation and common misconceptions that exist about the topic.
Mediation is the best option
The whole point of an amicable settlement without the divorce going to court sounds attractive to most people, but divorce mediation is not always the best option for couples. This is especially true for couples in which one partner has a history of emotional abuse, and for couples that need to untangle and split a complex web of possessions between each other.
Pets cannot be a part of the mediation process
This is completely untrue as the California government recently passed a law concerning the division of pets in a divorce. The mediator can advise the couple on who is most likely to receive ownership of the pet or how they can work out a pet-sharing deal. This prevents people from stealing pets from their former partners and allows couples to settle the dispute amicably.
Mediation does not require individual lawyers
The mediator is typically a neutral party whose job it is to guide both parties in the divorce. However, it can be a complex process, and not seeking an attorney can be a very foolish thing to do unless you have complete knowledge of the law. You should definitely have an attorney who looks over the final mediation document before it becomes official. Both the parties are advised to have independent attorneys to safeguard their interests.
Mediation is not better than litigation for children
Most people assume that divorce is always going to be bad for their children no matter what. They assume that litigation and mediation are the same, but this could not be farther from the truth. By its very nature, litigation is an adversarial process that promotes a climate of tension, ill will, and stressful court appearances. On the other hand, mediation promotes a culture of cooperation and a desire to settle disputes amicably without excessive volatility. Mediators are trained to be concerned about the emotional and psychological well-being of the children involved, and it can be considered to be a first step to the future where the parents will no longer be together.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Riverside divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The worst thing that can happen to a marriage is infidelity. Most married people hope that something like this never happens. However, extramarital affairs occur more often than one could imagine. In fact, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports that 40% of marriages fall prey to infidelity.
Now that we’ve accepted the reality of infidelity, the next big question in your mind likely has to do with divorce. Divorce is often the likely outcome of infidelity in a marriage and it can affect the results of the divorce.
So, let’s look at how infidelity affects divorce in California.
No-fault divorce
California follows the no-fault divorce law. So, there are only two primary reasons that can be used as grounds for divorce – incurable insanity or irreconcilable difference. The letter refers to issues between the spouses that have damaged the relationship beyond reconciliation.
In fact, one isn’t even required to testify as to why the marriage failed. The only thing needed to authorize the divorce is an agreement from both spouses supporting the divorce. The no-fault divorce law was implemented because it speeds up the divorce process and allows couples to go their way without bickering over every detail.
Another important point to note is that adultery is not a crime in California, and hence, there is no legal definition for it as far as the Californian law goes. However, adultery, in general, is defined as a sexual relationship that a married person indulges in with someone other than their spouse.
Californian courts will not consider adultery as a key factor in granting a divorce. No-fault divorce requires that courts simply grant the divorce based on the couple’s acceptance of marital failure.
Alimony and custody
Adultery does, however, affect alimony, but, not in the typical way one might imagine. Californian courts will award alimony based on the ability of the offending spouse’s ability to pay and the offended spouse’s financial needs.
So, it is possible for the offended spouse to receive less alimony than hoped for. For instance, if the offended spouse moves on and begins living with another partner, the courts may consider this spouse’s financial needs to be less significant.
As for custody, California prioritizes the child’s interests. So, adultery doesn’t affect custody in a big way. The only time it does is if the relationship has directly affected the children. For example, if the cheating spouse engaged in a sexual act with the paramour in the presence of the child/children.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Co-parenting is usually seen as a responsibility shared by divorced couples, but there is more to co-parenting than a simple responsibility. Co-parenting can also involve someone else other than the parents. When a parent and another person take care of the child, it is also known as co-parenting.
Do what is best for the child
When it comes to child custody or any other laws where children are involved, the California court always rules in favor of the children. If you are at a crossroad where you need to take important decisions regarding your children remember to do what is best for the children. Because it is the children that you will be ultimately worried about.
Don’t talk bad about your ex in front of the children
It’s natural to talk bad about your ex in front of your children especially when you have gone through a bad marriage. But always remember that in doing so it is your children who will get affected. Your ex will remain an important part of the responsibility towards your children. When you criticize your ex, a certain negativity develops in your children which can be dangerous in the long run.
Never tell your ex you are the better parent
At times, you will feel the urge to show your children that you are better than your ex but it’s a good idea to stay away from that notion. Saying that the other parent is bad won’t make you look like the best parent in the world. Moreover, such things don’t work in a court of law in California.
Establish rules and family values
Family rules and values are central to every parenting. Teaching your children the importance of family life can be a great way to keep things organized in life. Moreover, it will also help you and your ex maintain an amicable relationship. As a parent your main aim is to create a healthy environment for your children where they can grow and learn life’s important lessons. So what better place than their own home.
Make plans for in-law and family visits
After getting a divorce, having the support of your in-law and family members is very important even though you may not want to see them. It’s good because the children should not feel alienated after you get your divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce is never easy, no matter how amicable it is. There are numerous assets and properties that need to be divided, not to mention custody of children and other aspects. In California, a person that files for divorce has 3 ways to proceed – mediation, litigation and a collaborative divorce. There is no universal best choice among the 3 and each method is suitable for certain circumstances.
Mediation
Mediation is the process where a divorcing couple sits with an impartial and neutral mediator to decide on the division of assets and properties. While both parties have to hire their own lawyers before a settlement is agreed, the mediator does not have to be a lawyer. Mediation allows for spouses to split rather peacefully and consequently benefit the children. Cost is reduced along with complete confidentiality of all matters discussed. Mediation is best for amicable divorces where the spouses aim to remain in touch and maintain a good relationship.
Litigation
Litigation is the most common and oldest divorce format used. This is because in over 80% of divorce cases, the decision is made by one of the parties and is not mutual. In this case, mediation and collaborative divorce might not work as both parties are working against each other. Despite common believes, litigation often ends with an out-of-court settlement. The couple works with lawyers to come to an agreement regarding custody, division of assets, along with alimony payments and liabilities. Once a settlement is formed both parties sign it and a judge also signs off on it.
If a litigated divorce does go to court, all final decisions are made by the judge including decisions regarding assets and custody. It is recommended in most cases to keep the divorce out of the court as it could have a negative impact on the children and lead to more animosity among the parties. Litigation is the most public and the slowest of all 3 options.
Collaborative Divorce
In a collaborative divorce, the decision to get a divorce is often mutual and there is no animosity. Both parties hire an attorney and decide on the terms of the divorce. Unlike litigation, the attorneys in a collaborative divorce try to help couples come to a mutual agreement. Collaborative divorcees can also hire financial planners that will help plan their lives through the divorce and after. Therapists and coaches may also sit with the spouses to helps them resolve issues. In a collaborative divorce, there is no chance of going to court. In fact, documents are signed before the proceedings stating that the attorneys must withdraw if court is threatened or the settlement fails.
Both mediation and collaborative divorce are only recommended when both parties are on equal footing and have a mutual understanding. Spouses that doubt their partner’s declarations or do not understand the various assets on hand (such as finances) should choose litigation. The same applies when substance abuse, physical or mental abuse is involved.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Psychological stress during a divorce is common and most individuals who go through a divorce experience it. Often, those who experience psychological stress were not prepared for what was in store for them. The unpreparedness catches them off guard and the consequences are much worse than they are supposed to be. There are different stages of psychological stress during and after a divorce and individuals who are going through one should be wary of them.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
