When it comes to kids, almost all parents are protective and want to ensure that their kids are left without the greatest worries in the world. Taking that into perspective, when parents decide to go through a divorce, parents want their children to stay immune from the effects of the divorce. This is vital, because one of the parties that is heavily affected by divorce proceedings are the children. It is not uncommon for children of broken marriages to end up with several emotional and psychological issues and so it is vital that parents try and work to keep their children away from their divorce.
Here are 10 tips to make sure your kids are kept away from the effects of your Orange County divorce proceedings:
It is important that whenever you talk to your children, there is no mention of your former spouse in the negative sense. Irrespective of your feelings towards your spouse, the kids will still regard them as part of their family and such comments are likely to affect them mentally.
It is best for you to avoid any kind of arguments with your divorced spouse. Arguments are never perceived healthily by children, and for them to see their two favorite companions in life fight it out will be mental torture.
Don’t talk about legal or financial issues in front of your child.
One of the worst things you can do is use your child as a means to communicate with your ex spouse. To make sure your child is kept away from the toxic effects of your divorce case, it is important that normal communication continues between you and your spouse.
Don’t ask your child questions about your spouse. Kids are suspicious and the wee bit of over indulgence that you show will alert them that you are using them as a spy on their other parent.
Make sure your child meets the other spouse whenever they want. Using child visitation and custody as a weapon leaves your child vulnerable to the toxic effects of divorce.
Don’t tell your child they have to decide who to live with when their parents get divorced. Such a statement is likely to be interpreted by the child as their time of choosing between both parents and that will never go down well with them.
Make it your Job to categorically tell your children that the separation is by no means their fault.
Take your visitations seriously and arrive on time always. After divorce, you should make your child an even greater priority. Not showing up on visitations leaves the children devastated.
Take interest in the activities, working, and conversations of your child during your custodial time. It is integral for you to show your child affection and try to make up for the torment of divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Military personnel are considered the protectors of the nation, who lay down their lives to defend the country we love. While all of us have respect for the military personnel that protect our motherland, have any of us wondered if their legal rights are similar to that of a common U.S. citizen? Military personnel have a life that’s for the most part alien compared to the life we have.
Most military men and women, however, do get married like the rest of us and they too can have problems in their married life. Problems in married life usually spell out divorce and there can be instances where divorce is the only option left for such personnel. While the process of family law or divorce mediation is rather hassle free and easy to go through, there can be complications if the dispute involves a current military personnel as one of the spouses.
The Issues They May Face
It should be clear by now that the military personnel have the same legal rights as that of us civilians and are likely to face the same issues we face and maybe more. At the time of the divorce, military personnel can go through issues such as:
Child custody
Child Support
Alimony payments
Division of assets
Rights of Modifications
The Benefits
There are two ways to a divorce available to them, getting a divorce through litigation or getting Orange County divorce mediation. While both are likely to get the desired result of separation and ending of marriage, it is recommended that family law and divorce mediation is used because it is a cheaper and more private for the spouses to settle their differences and agree to a solution and a post divorce agreement. Privacy is likely to be an important consideration for military personnel because they wouldn’t want the respect that comes with being military personnel to be tarnished by any such cases and bad publicity.
The View of the Law
The act that governs how civil matters apply to military personnel is the Service Members Civil Relief Act. It has a provision which doesn’t allow the lawsuits against members of the military that are currently deployed from going ahead. This act is of great aid to military personnel since it protects them in matters such as child custody, alimony payments/spousal support, and even divorce litigation proceedings.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Some parties come to divorce mediation in Orange County and elsewhere because of the cost advantages of this process over litigation. This is a valid reason since divorce mediation is considerably more cost-efficient when compared to litigation as there is no need for two separate attorneys and court fees. As such, the financial considerations are understandably the reasons why people come to divorce mediation. There are, however, other costs as well that justifies considering divorce mediation over litigation.
Cost of Emotions
This isn’t a monetary expense, yet it is a heavy cost that most couples have to pay in the litigation process. Mediation, on the other hand, is your chance to significantly minimize the emotional costs. Why? Good Orange County divorce mediators are adept at handling the emotional side of divorces and will be good comforters to you. Unlike the aggressive court proceedings, here the mediator will tend to keep a tab on emotions and make sure the mediation is carried out in a peaceful and calm manner. When you are emotionally charged, especially if you have kids,, breaking down emotionally isn’t an option. A good divorce mediator will act as a calming influence in your life and help you get through the rough patch unscathed.
Lack of Attendance on Job/Business
This is a monetary expense just like the financial costs. In court cases and litigation processes, each spouse will have to make court appearances. These court appearances can range from a few to many, as all hearings are usually necessary to attend. The hearing is scheduled after seeing the availability of the judge and both the spouses’ attorneys. This means that the spouses will have to attend the hearings on the date set irrespective of their schedule. In most cases their job and their business will be neglected on such days, and this can be really costly. In contrast, in divorce mediation, the dates for the process are set according to the availability of both the spouses and are flexible to change.
Out-of-the-Blue Financial Hardships
Starting a divorce through an attorney means that each spouse has likely paid an initial retainer fee. The retainer fee is the advance of all the meetings and calls that the attorney will have and charge at an hourly rate. However, it is common in court cases for clients and attorneys to contact one another multiple times. This means a spouse is likely to have very high legal fees. A spouse may also be needed to pay extra amounts for accountants and other experts that are called in to help resolve the case.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Welcome to California Divorce Mediator’s PODCAST explaining some of the hard facts and harsh realities about the current divorce process in the United States.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Welcome to California Divorce Mediator’s PODCAST explaining how divorce mediation can save the financial future of your children and your family.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Most fights and disagreements in a relationship usually start by verbal tirades against one another. Effective communication is vital for the health and success of a relationship. Communication, however, can’t be limited to either verbal or non verbal. The cause for most fights is a lack of effective communication.
Imagine someone is saying something pleasant to you and you start to give them an angry stare. The other person is likely to feel perplexed and confused. This shows how verbal communication needs to be coupled with non verbal communication to fulfill the goal of communication.
Here are a few tips on effective communication with your spouse so that you avoid fights and disagreements in your relationship that can ultimately lead to a divorce.
1. Be Crystal Clear
When you are communicating with your spouse, you need to speak your mind clearly. If you talk fast, you need to go a little slow and if you are hard to comprehend, you need to repeat it multiple times so that there are no misconceptions that are left after your message. While most people find it annoying to repeat themselves again and again, it is unavoidable at times. You have to realize that the effort you are putting into effective communication is never in vain.
2. Own Your Thoughts
Very few people have the ability to judge the feelings that sometimes creep into you. To be good at communication, you need to have a clear head and for that you need to know what you are feeling and take clear stances on what you like or dislike. If you think during a discussion that something is not right, you should not compromise and agree to it, instead you should say what is in your heart. If you do not speak up, your emotions will get bottled up and will increase your chances of a meltdown.
3. Be Expressive
Bottling up your feelings will always be harmful to you one way or another. The key to effective communication is saying whatever you feel like saying. If you have underlying feelings of discontent, they are likely to show on the non-verbal communication front. Even if the feelings are of love and appreciation, make sure they are expressed to make your partner feel valued.
4. Be All Ears
Any relationship is a two-wheel drive and for the car to function properly both the wheels need to be on equal footing. Being an effective communicator is going to take you far, but to go the distance, your communication skills and your ability to be a good listener should be polished. Relationships are about understanding one another and the best way to do that is to listen to the other person.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Feelings of guilt, shame, disappointment, and fear of the unknown are common in people who are going through or have gone through a divorce. When a relationship starts to fall apart, the dreams of the couples are shattered causing most couples to feel like a failure while others may make themselves immune of whatever is happening around them by acting as uninformed. While such feelings are bound to exist, and are normal to experience, the news of your Orange County divorce needs to be told to a few people. Here are a few of the people who you should tell about your divorce.
Family
When we say family, we mean your immediate family. These consist of your children, your parents, and you siblings. The most important part is telling your children because this decision will have an ever lasting impact on their lives. Making sure you tell them in a way that they understand is vital. While they are being told about this decision, there has to reiterations to them about your love and care for them. Your parents and siblings will act as your buffer. They are likely to help you get through this difficult period and assure you of their acceptance of you and your decision.
Friends
Your friends mean your closest friends. These people have been closest to you for a number of years and just like all the other secrets you can share with them, they need to know about your divorce. Your friends are your main support group. They will help you avoid that feeling of being alone and hounded.
Financial Advisor
Your financial advisor should know that you are going through a divorce irrespective if it’s a divorce mediation or litigation. These are the people who’ll help draw up your financial list and tell you what you’ll need in terms of finances in the post divorce time. It is important that you and your financial advisor are honest about your assets because hiding assets and lying about them will only draw the divorce longer.
Business Partner
If you own any kind of a business in partnership, you need to inform your business partner(s) regarding your divorce. This is important because your divorce can have an impact on the division of shares and profits and other financial matters, and the other stakeholders in the business should know about it.
Estate Planning Attorney
Your estate and property are all part of your list of assets, and during a divorce these are likely to have an impact. Telling this to your estate planner is vital because they’ll help you in the planning for the future and figuring out the best picks in your divorce mediation agreement.
Irrespective of the method of divorce you choose, the myth that divorce should be secretive and kept between the lawyers and the concerned parties only isn’t true. To help you through a divorce both emotionally and financially, you need people and they need to be informed about your decision. While the method does not matter in terms of informing others, it matters if you want a smooth divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The holiday season is almost here. And for parents who are divorcing or who are newly divorced, the prospect can be terrifying.
Many parents in this position wonder how they can possibly spend part of all of a holiday away from their children. For most, it is a painful idea.
But for the kids, the holidays don’t have to be painful and sad. With some planning and some dedication on the parts of both parents, the holidays can still be an opportunity for kids to create happy and fun memories while surrounded by family and love.
Use a mediator to collaborate on a child-focused holiday plan
Whether you are just beginning the divorce process, or have been divorced for many years, it is never too late to work with a mediator on a better holiday plan.
A child-focused holiday plan maximizes the child’s meaningful time with family and sets the stage for new traditions. In addition, child-focused holiday planning puts special focus on creating calm and healthy transitions.
Get ready to provide a positive outlook
Your children may be especially anxious about the first holiday after the divorce, and they will take their emotional cues from you. Listen with empathy, let them know that their feelings are valid, and reassure them that the holidays will still be special.
Involving children with planning new traditions or activities may help them regain a sense of control and excitement about the holidays.
Make a plan for yourself
Make a plan for the transitions and time away from your children. You may want to ask a friend or family member for help. Individual moments can be easier or harder than you expect – the best policy is to be prepared. Planning in advance will help ease your anxiety and day-of emotions, creating a better experience for your kids.
Once the holidays are over, consider communicating with your co-parent about how it went. If both of you are united in the goal to create a happy holiday for your child, then you may be able to email or talk about how the holiday went for your child and what can be done next time to make it better.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
There’s nothing to mediate, so we don’t need a mediator. This is the thought of a large number of couples who want to avoid unnecessary cost when the divorce is reasonably amicable.
For a couple who isn’t arguing, the idea of do-it-yourself divorce sounds excellent. Download some forms, fill them out, pay the filing fees, and it’s done.
Unfortunately, do-it-yourself divorce has a different reality. Paperwork gets held up. Filings get rejected. Spouses spend a lot of time in county offices and in court trying to fix mistakes. In fact, many California counties have had to create special programs just to deal with the many do-it-yourself divorce couples that get hopelessly lost in the system for years.
For many who have started down this path, the only way out of the quagmire is to pay for an attorney, which is what they were trying to avoid in the first place.
And there is another hazard of the do-it-yourself divorce. The do-it-yourself divorce does not offer individuals the opportunity to hear what they are entitled to, and to get a professional view of the implications of their decisions. The results can be devastating, from unanticipated tax implications to heartbreaking custody issues.
Couples who engage in mediation can complete the divorce more quickly, with the peace of mind that comes from knowing that all issues have been professionally examined and professionally handled.
In California, the minimum legal amount of time for finalizing any divorce is six months. For many couples, especially those who are divorcing amicably, this is ample time to complete the mediation process and ensure that all issues are fully discussed and understood.
The rise of the divorce mediation process is a boon to couples who are looking for a quick and inexpensive divorce. It is true, at the outset mediation – while reasonable – seems to cost more than D.I.Y. divorce. But the truth is that it often costs less, while saving enormous amounts of time and headaches.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
What is all the hype surrounding divorce mediation and why should you consider it? The reason divorce mediation is encouraged because it doesn’t create animosity between the divorcing partners. What happens during divorce mediation? Just refer to the five stages mentioned here and you will get an idea of what happens during divorce mediation:
First Stage: Introductory
The mediator will familiarize you with the process and so you should come with a list of questions in mind to ask. Discuss all the issues that you want resolved. If an issue needs more attention than others, convey that to the mediator. Moreover, the mediator will suggest different ways to optimize effective communication.
Second Stage: Information-Gathering
Your first session may have brought up many different issues such as finances, children, debts, and loans, among others. If you haven’t brought the documents with you in the first meeting (it’s better to bring them in the first stage), the mediator will tell you to bring them when you visit again. During the second stage, finances are discussed, documents reviewed, and suggestions thrown around. Since division of assets is a critical issue, two or more meetings could be required to come to an agreement.
Third Stage: Framing The Issues
The divorce mediator will ask the partners to write down reasons of what they want to see in the agreement. Their outline will consist of reasons such as concerns, goals, values, priorities, needs, and interests. After both parties have created the outline, they will discuss it between each other to see if they can come to a resolution. In order for this to be successful, don’t write off the suggestions that your partner gives, but listen to them even if what they are saying doesn’t sit well with you. Most importantly, keep in mind that in order for your partner to consider your interests, compromising on some is necessary. When you cooperate, they may as well.
Fourth Stage: Negotiating The Issues
With the assistance of the mediator, partners will come up with a few options to solve the issue. They will evaluate each option to determine which one works better. At this stage, the partners will negotiate with each other until they can see eye to eye on a resolution. Towards the end of this stage, the options are decided.
Fifth Stage: Written Agreement
The mediator will send a draft of the settlement agreement to both spouses to view. If both spouses agree, the mediator will write up the final version of the settlement agreement, which the mediator can submit to the court for filing. As a precaution, it’s advised to have a lawyer review the agreement before submitting it to the court. Sometimes, your mediator is a lawyer, but it is important to note that they are not representing either party as a legal advocate in that situation.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”
When it comes to kids, almost all parents are protective and want to ensure that their kids are left without the greatest worries in the world. Taking that into perspective, when parents decide to go through a divorce, parents want their children to stay immune from the effects of the divorce. This is vital, because one of the parties that is heavily affected by divorce proceedings are the children. It is not uncommon for children of broken marriages to end up with several emotional and psychological issues and so it is vital that parents try and work to keep their children away from their divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
