It makes a great deal of sense to do the right things while your divorce is going on. But what about those things that you are not supposed to do during your divorce? There are many divorce lawyers who claim that they have come across divorcing clients who tend to concentrate more on what should be done and overlook all such things that they should not do, which are equally important.
Stop behaving badly
Just because you are undergoing a divorce does not mean that you have to be rude and behave badly with your estranged spouse. Do not indulge in any such acts prior to, during the divorce and after your divorce comes through, which will have a bad reflection on you.
You should not dismiss the needs of your ex
While you may not want to stay married to your wife or husband anymore, it does not necessarily signify that you should overlook their requirements. After all, you are not the only party in your divorce. The basic legal idea beyond any divorce is to get a marriage dissolved and not making your husband/wife destitute. So when you consider their needs and be fair, it will have a positive impact on your divorce process so that it does not turn into a bitter war.
Try not to be rigid
When you negotiate your divorce settlement or determine crucial issues such as child custody, you should not be unwilling to compromise. People opt for a divorce knowing full well that they require. But everyone cannot get all they had desired for. When you are inflexible while negotiations are going on, there is a possibility that you end up getting much less than what could have been otherwise negotiated. For instance, though the guidelines lay down by the state determines matters related to child support, it does not necessarily signify that a judge will raise an objection to an agreement signed by both you and former spouse. The way your settlement gets handled will be ascertained by the degree of flexibility shown by you and your former partner and the issues applicable in your specific case.
Do not be extravagant
Your divorce can be a costly affair. So you need to have a proper financial plan and begin saving for your future. The money you tend to spend unnecessarily every month should be put away in your bank account. In case your divorce turns out to be a long legal process, this money can then be used to meet the expenses. Once you have filed for the divorced, avoid going out on costly shopping sprees and spend your marital assets. When you start spending recklessly, the orders of the judge could make you return those assets.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce triggers both kids as well as adults to make several adjustments and face tough challenges. However, there is a difference in how each child responds to their parent’s divorce. While a majority of them will handle these challenges with maturity and sensibility and grow up into well-adjusted adults, there are some kids who go through behavioral and emotional difficulties when their parents go through a divorce. And though there are differences in the long-term reaction in a child to the divorce of their parents, many kids may go through emotional distress and emotions like conflicts, confusion, guilt, fury, anxiety, and sadness in the short-term. Such emotions pop up when there is a question of loyalty towards their parents and a strong desire to spend more time with their absent parent.
When you notice the following symptoms of distress with your child, you need to take appropriate action such as taking them to a therapist so that they can overcome their emotional problems related to the divorce.
Drastic change in academic performance
Do you find your kid is showing dismal performance in the tests? Is he losing interest in his school activities? This could be a telltale sign that he is emotionally disturbed.
Refuses to spend time with his/her parent
When there is no issue of child abuse in a family and yet a kid shows an unwillingness to spend their time with the parent, it can be a symptom that the kid feels the requirement of taking sides. A child should not feel that they are forcefully put in a situation where they have to select one parent over their other.
Increase in certain type of physical complaints
When you find them complaining about their physical conditions such as stomach aches or headaches quite often, it may mean that they are going through a tough time to come up with the divorce of their parents. Allergy, stomachaches, and headaches are some of the most common symptoms that your kid is going through an emotional distress.
Prolonged and significant change in the behavior
You have always known that your child to be extremely polite bit you may find them being inconsiderate all of a sudden when your divorce case is going on. Your outgoing, gregarious and talkative kid can express less interest in social activities and friends.
Does not show keenness to engage in family, school, athletic or social activities
This is another important symptom that your children are clinically depressed as a result of your divorce from your spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
You had tried your best in the past but you and your ex-spouse have had constant bickering and could not make your marriage best. But, then you met one another once again and now you are pleasantly surprised to find that you share the same chemistry even now. Should you ever consider the prospect of marrying your former spouse once again? Will such relationships work? Just with all the marriages, the reply to this question lies on what both the partners are prepared to do so that the relationship can work in the long-term.
Statistics related to restored marriages
It is somewhat surprising to note the statistics in regard to the “do-over” marriages when both the former spouses marry one another once again. According to the statistics published by Psychology Today seem to claim that about 67 percent of marriages done for the second time and 73 percent of the marriages done end in divorce. However, the figures appear to be a bit encouraging for all such people who end up remarrying their spouses.
According to the research done by Dr. Nancy Kalish, about 72 percent of the reunited couples stayed together. Her research was on its first leg in 1996 when about 1,000 respondents participated in her survey, which led to this conclusion.
Key reasons why people want to marry their former spouses once again
There are a number of reasons why ex-spouses decide to reunite once again though their marriages failed in the past. Moreover, every remarriage can involve one or multiple impetuses for revival. Here are some of the reasons people remarry their ex-spouses once again.
After they stay apart, they realize their partner’s importance
As they say often distance makes the hearts grow fonder. Many couples realize their partners’ importance in their lives only after they divorced each other. Even while they were separated, the couple did mot feel that they were disconnected from one another.
Anger may disappear after they get time for reflection
When you take some time out to ponder about your relationship, feelings may undergo changes. After some time, the negative emotions you harbored may not be as powerful and intense as they were while you were still married to your partner. You may even find that you were also responsible for the breakup of the marriage to some extent. When you learn to acknowledge that you could have handled things better then, it is a good starting point to reconcile and start cementing the relationship with your ex-spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you are considering whether to end your marriage or not, you may be in a dilemma. You are uncertain about whether to legally separate from your spouse or whether you want to file for a divorce. Here are some of the things to consider while contemplating between divorce and separation.
Separation does not terminate a marriage but divorce does
You should consider your marriage as a partnership where both the partners share their liabilities as well as assets while the marriage continues. In many states, the general thumb rule is that the marriage is intact even when the parties get separated. Additionally, the financial benefits will also continue. For instance, even if the spouses are legally separated for many years, they continue to share their investment growth, 401Ks, IRAs and other assets if any.
Legal separation can be accomplished through a separation agreement
The agreement may be used for setting the grounds for a settlement in the event of a separation getting culminated into a divorce. The agreement can constitute of issues such as property split, arrangements of child support and other pertinent matter although the parties remain legally married. However, you should be cautious about the legal enforceability of such an agreement since the laws may not be same in all the states. To know the exact details, you can consult a local lawyer to get the exact knowledge on this matter.
Are you trying to cement your relationship during your separation and not given up hopes yet?
You may be dating a new person while you are legally separated. However, you need to realize that it is really tough to proceed in a fresh relationship since you are married even while you are separated from your husband or wife.
Most separations are known to end in divorces
Statistics reveal that in most scenarios a legal separation often ends up in getting divorced. When there are conflicts in a marriage, it is always advisable to go for marriage counseling or see a therapist so that the spouses can work towards keeping their marriages intact and resolve their conflicts. But going for a legal separation may make such task a difficult one.
Duration of your legal separation
How long are you and your spouse planning to be legally separated? So, even a trial separation can drag for several years. As a result, none of the parties feel an urge to cement the marriage or finalize their divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Selecting the best divorce mediator should be the first important agreement that should be made jointly by the divorcing spouses right at the start of their divorce mediation process. Thus, it is one of the most crucial decisions for both the spouses to make during the course of their divorce. Several factors should be taken into account while selecting the best Orange County divorce mediator. Read on to know some of the essential qualities in a mediator you and your estranged spouse should look for prior to taking the final call.
1. Should be educated in mediation as well as dispute resolution
Make sure that the divorce mediator you are choosing has the essential education for resolving disputes and mediation training. When a person is pursuing yearly training on mediation and is educated in resolving disputes, they can serve your purpose well while the negotiation process is on.
2. He or she should be specialized in family mediation matters
You need to confirm that the practice area of the said mediator is solely dedicated towards family and divorce mediation. When you choose a proficient family mediator, they are highly skilled because of their domain knowledge in practicing divorce mediation. A good divorce mediator should have the necessary expertise and a specialized skill set with necessary knowledge to help you as well as the other party through divorce. When you choose a professional whose primary focus area is not divorce mediation, you may not get the kind of help you are expecting to resolve your divorce issues. You should directly query them to find out how much percentage do family and divorce mediation constitute out of their entire practice experience. Typically, this should be one hundred percent. But a majority percentage is a good sign too.
3. Trust factor is highly crucial
Select a divorce mediator that you can trust wholeheartedly. It is perhaps the most critical aspect to consider while selecting your divorce mediator. You should be able to trust them for guiding you through the entire process. After all, there could be a high degree of emotions while the mediation is going on. Plus, when there are kids in your marriage, greater considerations should be made while discussing their future. Hence, your divorce mediator should be a person with whose you can always be at ease both as a professional as well as an individual.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Ever since same-sex marriage was legalized in every state in the US, many questions have been asked related to the laws for same-sex marriage. Many same-sex couples have often raised the question of a prenuptial agreement and whether one should opt for it. A prenup is an agreement where individuals in a marriage have the right to declare a part of the entire asset as separate property. The other spouse has to agree to the arrangement too before it can be put into effect. A prenuptial agreement safeguards a person against unequal or unnecessary property division during divorce. It is an excellent tool for protecting oneself against financial damage. But what are its effects on the relationship and marriage?
Strengthens the marriage
Contrary to popular belief that prenups result in divorces, the agreement can actually be beneficial if both parties agree with each other. A relationship is based on trust, but that does not mean one should go through financial loss for that. Joint property may not be in your hands but the separate property is and it is your job to protect it. A prenup does not mean that property and finance are the most important thing in a marriage. It only means that both individuals should be aware other possesses. If anything, it makes the marriage more transparent.
It helps face reality
Unlike heterosexual couples, same-sex partners stay in a relationship for a longer time. Unlike the former, the latter finds it difficult to go into another relationship after the first ends. A prenup is a reality check as to what lies ahead. When couples are aware of what the future can be like, they become more dependent on their partner. It helps improve the marriage and allows both members to be more amicable towards each other.
A prenuptial agreement is not a bad thing as most people think it to be. It is a declaration of separate property in case a divorce takes place. It is important for same-sex couples because they stay in a relationship for a longer time than their heterosexual counterparts. When they understand what lies ahead of them, they try to keep the marriage going. A prenup is the best guard against financial damage and property loss. But for the same-sex couples, it is more than just a protection; it is a means of coming closer to each other and making the marriage work.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please click the following link to receive our free e-book, What is Divorce Mediation.
Property division is an important part of a divorce and many people are cautious about what happens to their properties after a divorce. Properties can be many types and are usually seen as separate or marital. Properties can include stocks, loans, shares and intangible materials. In recent years, the number of out-of-state marriages has risen and this includes individuals who belong to a different nationality. Now, these ‘other’ nationality individuals have properties which are not present in the U.S. soil. How are such properties treated once the couple gets divorced?
A divorce comes with many complications and most of them involve dividing properties and other finances. Even with an experienced lawyer, it can be tough for some to accept the final outcome of the divorce proceeding.
How are out-of-state properties treated in a California divorce?
California state laws allow family law judges to have jurisdiction over properties that are located outside the state of California, which are considered “quasi-community property.” They are entitled to make decisions that directly involve out-of-state properties.
Properties that are acquired during a marriage are regarded as marital community property by the California law and must be divided equally after a divorce. Properties purchased during the marriage outside of California are generally treated as quasi-community property and are liable for equal distribution.
Dealing with out-of-state properties can become complex and confusing. During such property divisions, the family law judge plays a vital role and much of the outcome depends on the judge. It is advisable for individuals going through divorce mediation to hire an Orange County divorce mediator lawyer who has experience in out-of-state property dealings and division.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce cases can be complex and sometimes a divorce case may not be over after the final judgment is filed. Things like child custody, child support, alimony can be subject to change anytime and can have major effects on the lives of both individuals.
Child custody and visitation are easily modified after the final custody judgment and the parent seeking modification can do so after providing a substantial amount of proof to the court. The proof must indicate a significant amount of change since the final order was passed.
What kind of judgments can be modified?
The judgment of dissolution of marriage covers important factors like alimony, child custody, visitation, child support and property division. All these factors are prone to modification but some can more easily be done than others. For example, a parent who wants to change the visitation arrangements can easily do so without showing substantial evidence. However, for issues like child custody, the court is likely to ask for more proof.
Child support modification
Child support depends on a parent’s income and income can change anytime regardless of what situation an individual might be in. Now, a change in income might not necessarily require a change in child support. In cases where one parent has lost a job and is completely broke, the court might pass an order that allows the other parent to cover child support expenses for a certain period. California courts usually don’t like modifications in child support but if the case is serious, changes can be made.
Alimony modification
Many expect that alimony, once settled upon, cannot be modified. However, it can be. In fact, most alimony awards can be modified. However, alimony modifications are not easy or straightforward because the application that sets alimony does not calculate post-judgment alimony modifications. The court needs to look into section 4320 of the Family Code and the 13 factors present in it before alimony modifications can be made.
Modification of property and asset division
Property divisions are uncommon since couples that decide to divide property do so after agreeing to the split. However, certain circumstances can make individuals change their mind and they can opt for modification in property division judgment. Property divisions can be complex and should be dealt by experienced family lawyers.
Many factors that were included in the final judgment can be changed depending on the circumstances faced by divorced couples. Some of the post-judgment modifications are easy while others are not and require a substantial amount of proof.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, click this link to visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are many such instances when kids may find themselves trapped while their parents are getting divorced. In majority cases, conflict precedes a divorce. When a couple is childless, they would simply divorce one another and may avoid seeing them again. However, things are different when they have children from their marriage. In such a scenario, you may have to keep meeting your former spouse repeatedly as the spouses need to co-parent. The responsibility lies with both the parents to ensure that their co-parenting relationship does not create a stress in the kids’ lives. After all, they should not feel entangled in the midst of the conflict of their parents. The following tips will ensure that children are kept away from stressful and emotional situations.
Do not articulate your negative thoughts about the other parent in front of your kids
This is not a difficult task to accomplish. Whenever your children are with you, you should concentrate on them. Avoid being vocal about your negative thoughts on the spouse while interacting with your children. All that toxic stuff need to be compartmentalized. Simply keep them sealed and do not share them with your kids.
You should not expect your kids will not share secrets with their other parent
You should always give your ex-spouse the same kind of respect that he/she had before you divorced. While this may take some effort and acting, but you should always be courteous to the other parent for the welfare of your kids. This will, in turn, ensure that your offspring will also be respectful towards you.
Avoid discussing financial matters with your kids before or even after your divorce.
In case your divorce lawsuit seems to be an expensive affair, your kids need not know the details of it. Moreover, if you are going through financial constraints after your divorce, you should not use your little ones to vent out your worries and apprehensions. In case you are having financial issues while still being married, avoid discussing the matter with the kids. Do not say or discuss anything that will make your kids become concerned over your financial crisis.
You should not expect that your kids should take your side in the divorce
Do not treat your divorce as just a game where a scoreboard is being maintained and there are two teams. It is not a job of your children to act as your cheerleaders during the divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please click this link to visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are you uncertain of whether you want to divorce your spouse or not? If it is so, you can relax since there are various other alternatives to a divorce, which you may consider. These are counseling, annulment, and separation.
Legal separation
If you opt for a legal separation from your spouse, your marriage does not end. However, it does make life easier to live away from your spouse when the situation is not right. You can also get a legal on ways of coping up with concerns such as child custody and finances while in a separation. There are a number of reasons why you and your spouse may want to opt for a legal separation. They include:
Not in favor divorce due to religious reasons
An effort to stay separately prior to going ahead with a return to your married life or a divorce.
Opting to separate till the time you satisfy the state’s requirements for divorce.
You need to understand that going for a legal separation does not mean your marriage has ended.
Moreover, such a state does not permit you to get married to another person. Legal separation is just a way for managing your child custody, finances as well as other relevant issues.
Counseling
When a married couple gets in touch with a mental health professional, clergy member or a counselor to get their concerns addressed, the process is called counseling. There are some widely-known reasons of divorces like communication gaps, financial differences and lack of physical intimacy that can be effectively sorted out with the help of a therapist sometimes. This is a good alternative when you want to remain with your spouse in the marriage.
Unlike a divorce, the couple remains married while the counseling process is on. Moreover, the said couple’s legal situations, childcare and financial situation also remain the same.
Annulment
It is a process that proves that the marriage did not exist from the very beginning. You can annul your marriage for certain issues, which existed prior to your marriage. Such issues are now making your marriage invalid in the eyes of the law. Some of the potential causes for annulment could be polygamy, underage marriage, duress, and fraud.
Annulments can be distinguished from divorces as you may not be able to make claims for community property rights or spousal support, unless the other person qualifies as a “putative spouse” in California that could entitle that person to obtain such rights as if they were a legal spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please click this link to visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It makes a great deal of sense to do the right things while your divorce is going on. But what about those things that you are not supposed to do during your divorce? There are many divorce lawyers who claim that they have come across divorcing clients who tend to concentrate more on what should be done and overlook all such things that they should not do, which are equally important.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
