Are you planning to get divorced but do not know how to initiate the process? There is a common misconception that a divorce process is always a lengthy and complicated one, which may not be necessarily true. Here are some of the ways to get a divorce in Orange County, California.
DIY divorce
It is possible that both you and your husband/wife have sorted out all the parenting, tax and financial issues already. So, you have time at your disposal to go through those detailed guidelines, draft and file documents in the court. A majority of the bar associations or states sell handbooks that are handy for filing the paperwork or a do-it-yourself divorce. Alternatively, one can also browse through the website of a state on uncontested divorces to get a hang of the things. Usually, it takes about two weeks to complete the documentation and procures notarized signatures. However, you need to wait for the court’s final divorce decree that may take anywhere between a fortnight to about six months based on the time taken by your court.
Mediated divorce
It is highly possible that both you and your partner failed to resolve the parenting, financial and tax-related issues. However, if both of you can still be together in one too then a mediator with a neutral approach can guide both of you on the issues that could eventually sort out your differences. The basic aim of a neutral mediation is to assist you and your spouse to arrive at a settlement without the court’s intervention. It is not necessary that a mediator has to be an attorney. However, if the mediator is one, the person can get all the legal documents ready and then file them in the court on your behalf. While mediation is a voluntary act, it becomes binding after an agreement is signed. The speed of a mediated divorce is reasonably fast and can be usually arrived within three months.
On-line DIY divorce
It is quite similar to a DIY divorce but the difference is that you need not procure blank court papers. Rather, the online program will ask you certain questions and you need to key in your responses. Thus the software program does the paperwork on your behalf. You just need to take a printout of the final documents and notarize them before filing in the court. It takes less time than a DIY divorce as the paperwork is simplified due to the online program.
Litigated divorce
Both the parties should hire their respective attorneys who will represent them while the divorce proceedings are on. It can be a time-consuming procedure.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are many couples who are going through a high-conflict marriage. But since these couples have children from their marriage, they sometimes wait until their children grow up and leave home for college to separate or divorce. A term called “The Freshman Call” has originated from this practice that further goes on to prove how popular such a phenomenon is these days. It is true that while parents opt for a divorce and kids are involved, the major impact is typically on these young children. But when couples with adult children plan to divorce, the latter can be deeply affected too.
On several occasions, these parents are not quite prepared for the violent and powerful reactions they get from their adult children who are studying in colleges. In fact, these kids may face a host of issues when their parents make up their minds to part ways.
Handling feelings of guilt while separating with adult children
On one hand, younger children may feel concerned that they are responsible for the divorce of their parents while on the other hand, college-going children frequently feel guilty that their contribution was insufficient to stop the breakup of their parents’ marriage. Such emotions are likely to prevail even though the children know that their parents had a troubled marriage from the beginning.
Though several college going children do have the necessary insight and maturity to understand that their parents’ marriage is not a happy one, they may still be slightly taken aback when they get to know about the divorce news of their parents. It can also take a toll on their mental and physical well being. Plus, some adult children may start having apprehensions about the fate of their own romantic relationships. They may become pessimistic about relationships in general after their parents’ divorce.
Plan your conversation with your adult children while divorcing
Restrain yourself from calling your children at college and do not discuss such details when they are away on vacations. Instead, wait for an opportunity when they are at home for some days. It is the ideal opportunity for all of you to sit, relax and discuss the matter. You should understand that your divorce decision can be upsetting for them. It is also important to concentrate on your children rather than giving more focus on the reasons for which you are getting a divorce.
Encourage your adult children to maintain harmonious relationship with both the parents
Since your children are now grown-ups, there will be no orders from the court for a specific parenting time or schedule now. But let your adult child know that they should try to maintain a cordial relationship with both the parents even after the divorce comes through.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
These days, couples can get divorced through various ways. Some of these ways are litigation, collaborative or mediation. But how do you conclude what is the right method for you? Divorce mediation is a method of procuring a divorce when a neutral and unbiased third party, selected by both the spouses can facilitate discussions to address and resolve various issues related to a divorce. But mediation is not binding unless it is mutually agreed by both the parties.
Check out some of the common principles through which divorce mediation can be conducted to resolve issues:
Private
A mediation process engages only those stakeholders whose presence is needed to reach an agreement. The stakeholders typically include the spouses, a financial neutral or a coach if required and the mediator, agreed by both sides. The records or notes exchanged in the mediation process can never be used in future court proceedings if the mediation does not work out for whatever reasons since they are public records. In a majority of cases, mediators tend to destroy the mediation notes and records after the process is completed for this particular reason.
Voluntary
It could be made mandatory for both the parties to attend an initial meeting if a judge orders so. However, follow up participation is voluntary in nature. The court cannot impose a resolution on either spouse. Plus, all resolutions that are arrived at should be voluntary and mutually agreed upon.
Confidential
Strict confidentiality should be maintained for all mediation sessions and are restricted to only those professionals that are approved by both the spouses as mentioned above. In case a party requests for any kind of access to mediation information, both the parties should put their signatures allowing so. Both sides should also be willing to the fact that secrecy should be maintained due to some compelling reasons or it is beneficial to do so.
Decision-making should be done in an informed way
Both the parties should have the essential information required to make informed decisions with respect to the resolution of their conflicts.
Whether divorce mediation will work for you or not depends on your unique situation. It may work out for those couples who want to divorce by embracing a cost-effective procedure and need to maintain a harmonious relationship even after their divorce is finalized so that they can co-parent their kids successfully. But there could be a scenario when one of the spouses may disagree to mediate. In such scenarios, opting for litigated or collaborative divorce can be a better alternative.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are you planning to forget your past after your divorce and start dating? However, it may not be that easy to do so especially if you had been married for several years to your former spouse. Sometimes, it could be as complicated as finding your way in a market while there is a blindfold on your eyes. When you get divorced from your partner, you could feel extremely lonely after sharing your house and life with someone for so many years. It is natural to seek companionship and feel wanted in such crucial times. But this also makes people more vulnerable and many of them tend to make certain mistakes when they start dating. Eventually, that results in more self-doubt, loneliness and another sour relationship. Many people commit these mistakes that also affect their health and they fail to find lasting love in their lives, love, and attachment when your new partner is crazily attracted to you. Here are some of those common mistakes that you might make while dating after your marriage.
Getting too attached
It is not possible to judge how the person is on your very second or third date. Stop ignoring the flaws of that person just because you feel a deep need within yourself to get attached to a new person too soon. When you feel that there are certain key challenges in your new relationship, it makes sense not to make excuses only because you are scared of being alone. The love and devotion you feel should not be showered too easily, the new person should try to earn them and that definitely cannot happen overnight.
Not focusing on what you need NOW
Many people make the mistake of striving for instant gratification. They overlook the importance of the long-term advantages of dating a new person and tend to go for instant gratification of their current relationship needs. Moreover, if they find that those needs are not being fulfilled, they try out the same with someone else as a quick fix. When you are madly looking for a new love and want to find a perfect partner the second time around, you can get into serial dating if not careful and eventually might end up being with a wrong person in your life.
Becoming docile and submissive
When you start saying again after your divorce, make sure that you do not give away your power. This may happen when you give a higher priority to the desires and needs of the person you are dating above your own. When you have a strong urge to fall in love once more, chances of becoming passive is not uncommon, particularly when you meet someone who you start liking.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
One of the most important things to focus on during your divorce should be how you can protect your money. Money is one such issue that one should start preparing and protecting long before filing a divorce. Do you suspect that your spouse could be hiding money? When you feel that your divorce will be full of conflicts and not a harmonious one, it makes sense to take certain precautionary measures with respect to your financial matters prior to filing for your divorce.
If you are a stay-at-home mother, whatever money your partner earns to run the family is “your money”. So, even if you end up getting divorced, you should not feel that just because you do not give your own income it means that you do not have any bucks to protect. After all, your kids and you should feel financially secure until the time you can start working. Now, this also means that you do not have any issues with respect to protecting the portion of your husband’s income that is required for you to be financially stable after your divorce is finalized. Check out some of these easy tips for protecting your money during your divorce.
Immediately close all such joint credit accounts that you hold with your spouse
You need to put an end to all the joint credit accounts that are held by your spouse and you together r pay them off. For instance, a home mortgage will come under this category and should either be paid off quickly if possible. Alternatively, it should be put only in the name of your spouse. In case you are unable to settle the payment of such credit accounts, get in touch with your creditors and try to figure out the steps that should be taken so that your name gets removed from these accounts.
Open a new personal account in your name
It is possible that you did not have a bank account in your individual name before. Now is the time for you to open a new savings as well as a checking account. Once you open it, do keep your spouse informed about it and let them know the amount of money that you plan to deposit in your account. Your spouse should know about these accounts so that there would be no allegations of trying to hide funds. When you separate from your spouse and file for the divorce, you will require money to meet the fees of your attorney, court fees as well as a new house to live.
Do not incur fresh debts
Your priority should be to save the maximum amount of money prior to filing for a divorce. When you run charges on your credit card, you are not saving money but accumulating new debts.
Protect your precious items
When your spouse has been abusing you for some time now, or you have a gut feeling that he or she will hide or destroy expensive possessions, you should hide them. However, you should note that if there is any valuable that were bought with the marital funds, it needs to be valued and then divided during your divorce process.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It makes a great deal of sense to do the right things while your divorce is going on. But what about those things that you are not supposed to do during your divorce? There are many divorce lawyers who claim that they have come across divorcing clients who tend to concentrate more on what should be done and overlook all such things that they should not do, which are equally important.
Stop behaving badly
Just because you are undergoing a divorce does not mean that you have to be rude and behave badly with your estranged spouse. Do not indulge in any such acts prior to, during the divorce and after your divorce comes through, which will have a bad reflection on you.
You should not dismiss the needs of your ex
While you may not want to stay married to your wife or husband anymore, it does not necessarily signify that you should overlook their requirements. After all, you are not the only party in your divorce. The basic legal idea beyond any divorce is to get a marriage dissolved and not making your husband/wife destitute. So when you consider their needs and be fair, it will have a positive impact on your divorce process so that it does not turn into a bitter war.
Try not to be rigid
When you negotiate your divorce settlement or determine crucial issues such as child custody, you should not be unwilling to compromise. People opt for a divorce knowing full well that they require. But everyone cannot get all they had desired for. When you are inflexible while negotiations are going on, there is a possibility that you end up getting much less than what could have been otherwise negotiated. For instance, though the guidelines lay down by the state determines matters related to child support, it does not necessarily signify that a judge will raise an objection to an agreement signed by both you and former spouse. The way your settlement gets handled will be ascertained by the degree of flexibility shown by you and your former partner and the issues applicable in your specific case.
Do not be extravagant
Your divorce can be a costly affair. So you need to have a proper financial plan and begin saving for your future. The money you tend to spend unnecessarily every month should be put away in your bank account. In case your divorce turns out to be a long legal process, this money can then be used to meet the expenses. Once you have filed for the divorced, avoid going out on costly shopping sprees and spend your marital assets. When you start spending recklessly, the orders of the judge could make you return those assets.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
For many of you, “conscious uncoupling” may sound like like a made-up and new-age term that is often used to make it sound as if the couples today can be much more mature than they used to be previously. But the concept of conscious uncoupling has been around for some time now.
Conscious uncoupling is a methodology to come out of a relationship, which concentrates on assuming responsibility and self-reflection instead of fury and blame game. It is a process to grow and learn instead of being destructive and hurtful. Though both the parties can follow this process, even a single person can do it in case the other party is not cooperative.
It was way back in 1986, when sociologist and renowned author Diane Vaughn disclosed the term “uncoupling” in her book titled “Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships.” Thereafter, thus term was further popularized by Katherine Woodrow Thomas, therapist, and author in 2011. She referred to this term in her work called “Calling in The One.” She followed the concept of “conscious uncoupling” with seminars and training.
Defining conscious uncoupling
Coming out of a close relationship can be really miserable. For many, the pain can be unbearable as well as overwhelming. Many people take a long time to heal properly after the break-ups. Conscious uncoupling aims to lower the trauma and ago y for all the parties involved; your children, your partner and of course you.
Thomas feels that couples usually commit three fundamental relationship mistakes that are mentioned below:
Begin hating and despising the person they once loved and adored.
Fails to accept responsibility and accountability for the failure of a relationship
Thinking that time can heal all sounds without giving any kind of efforts.
When these relationship mistakes are committed by the couples, they become the cause of the trauma and misery during as well as after break-up. She has also designed her online course to help the couples not to commit the above-mentioned mistakes or try to fix them if they have been already committed.
Outcomes of conscious uncoupling
Figure out the different ways you have given your power in relationships and taking it back.
Learn to emotionally support yourself by discarding emotions such as self-blame and shame.
Heal your hurts and sense of betrayal through past experiences like the relationship you had with parents or relationships you had in the past.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
You had tried your best in the past but you and your ex-spouse have had constant bickering and could not make your marriage best. But, then you met one another once again and now you are pleasantly surprised to find that you share the same chemistry even now. Should you ever consider the prospect of marrying your former spouse once again? Will such relationships work? Just with all the marriages, the reply to this question lies on what both the partners are prepared to do so that the relationship can work in the long-term.
Statistics related to restored marriages
It is somewhat surprising to note the statistics in regard to the “do-over” marriages when both the former spouses marry one another once again. According to the statistics published by Psychology Today seem to claim that about 67 percent of marriages done for the second time and 73 percent of the marriages done end in divorce. However, the figures appear to be a bit encouraging for all such people who end up remarrying their spouses.
According to the research done by Dr. Nancy Kalish, about 72 percent of the reunited couples stayed together. Her research was on its first leg in 1996 when about 1,000 respondents participated in her survey, which led to this conclusion.
Key reasons why people want to marry their former spouses once again
There are a number of reasons why ex-spouses decide to reunite once again though their marriages failed in the past. Moreover, every remarriage can involve one or multiple impetuses for revival. Here are some of the reasons people remarry their ex-spouses once again.
After they stay apart, they realize their partner’s importance
As they say often distance makes the hearts grow fonder. Many couples realize their partners’ importance in their lives only after they divorced each other. Even while they were separated, the couple did mot feel that they were disconnected from one another.
Anger may disappear after they get time for reflection
When you take some time out to ponder about your relationship, feelings may undergo changes. After some time, the negative emotions you harbored may not be as powerful and intense as they were while you were still married to your partner. You may even find that you were also responsible for the breakup of the marriage to some extent. When you learn to acknowledge that you could have handled things better then, it is a good starting point to reconcile and start cementing the relationship with your ex-spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are some people who feel that annulling their marriage is a good alternative of divorcing their spouse. While a civil annulment is regarded as legal, an annulment done through a Catholic church is religious in nature and not recognized by civil courts.
What is marriage annulment?
It is process wherein a marriage is declared to be null and void from the start. A marriage annulment is typically granted for any one of the reasons mentioned below:
Both spouses or any one of them was given a threatening to go through the process of getting married.
The partners are related by blood, which should have prohibited the marriage in the very beginning.
A spouse is not legally eligible for marriage since he or she was already married or was underage in a state where their marriage took place.
Mental capacity of one of the spouse diminished due to consumption of certain toxins like alcohol or drug abuse, or illness.
Concealment of crucial information or undisclosed details i.e. fraud was committed by either one or both the spouses while agreeing to get married.
These above conditions may vary based on the state where the spouses reside. There could be some states that have laid down time limits to file for an annulment. You can get in touch with a good lawyer in your locality to learn about the exact legalities involved in the process.
Annulment through a Catholic Church
A Catholic Church may annul the marriage if it learns the said marriage was not conducted with proper intentions. The Catholic Church opines that there are two key points, which should be upheld when the marriage vows were exchanged:
There is an intention to be faithful to the spouse all through the marriage.
Physical ability and the necessary willingness to procreate.
Other scenarios like psychological condition, mental illness, or extreme immaturity can also be taken into account while the church makes a decision on if the marriage is valid or not. The concerned couple must express their desire of getting their marriage annulled to the priest.
Annulment just deals with the intention on the marriage day when the couple exchanges their vows. Its purpose is not to end a marriage and rather signifying that the marriage did not exist at all from the very beginning. This is the fundamental difference between a divorce and an annulment. The former acknowledges that a marriage did take place and ends it subsequently.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you are considering whether to end your marriage or not, you may be in a dilemma. You are uncertain about whether to legally separate from your spouse or whether you want to file for a divorce. Here are some of the things to consider while contemplating between divorce and separation.
Separation does not terminate a marriage but divorce does
You should consider your marriage as a partnership where both the partners share their liabilities as well as assets while the marriage continues. In many states, the general thumb rule is that the marriage is intact even when the parties get separated. Additionally, the financial benefits will also continue. For instance, even if the spouses are legally separated for many years, they continue to share their investment growth, 401Ks, IRAs and other assets if any.
Legal separation can be accomplished through a separation agreement
The agreement may be used for setting the grounds for a settlement in the event of a separation getting culminated into a divorce. The agreement can constitute of issues such as property split, arrangements of child support and other pertinent matter although the parties remain legally married. However, you should be cautious about the legal enforceability of such an agreement since the laws may not be same in all the states. To know the exact details, you can consult a local lawyer to get the exact knowledge on this matter.
Are you trying to cement your relationship during your separation and not given up hopes yet?
You may be dating a new person while you are legally separated. However, you need to realize that it is really tough to proceed in a fresh relationship since you are married even while you are separated from your husband or wife.
Most separations are known to end in divorces
Statistics reveal that in most scenarios a legal separation often ends up in getting divorced. When there are conflicts in a marriage, it is always advisable to go for marriage counseling or see a therapist so that the spouses can work towards keeping their marriages intact and resolve their conflicts. But going for a legal separation may make such task a difficult one.
Duration of your legal separation
How long are you and your spouse planning to be legally separated? So, even a trial separation can drag for several years. As a result, none of the parties feel an urge to cement the marriage or finalize their divorce.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are you planning to get divorced but do not know how to initiate the process? There is a common misconception that a divorce process is always a lengthy and complicated one, which may not be necessarily true. Here are some of the ways to get a divorce in Orange County, California.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
