Divorce is not easy on both the parties involved and yet it is the kids who suffer the most. Often the conflict of both the parents leads to the subject of visitation quite an ugly one and the transition between father’s house and mother’s house can be a youth one if not dealt sensibly by the parents.
The process of divorce is truly a baffling period full of emotional upheaval and lots of uncertainty. It is even more difficult if kids are involved in it. To ensure that the situation is stress free for them, it is imperative that both the divorced patents collaborate together to ensure that there is positivity in the visitation process. Experts agree that parenting one’s kids is the most crucial task that the parents evil ever do. When parents work in a mature manner, their divorce will not have negative, long and lasting impacts on the kids.
It is a prime responsibility of the divorcing parents to show that they are united in front of their children. Such a behavior will make the children comfortable and more confident during this trying time, Check out the following ideas and thoughts to make sure that the visits go smoothly for all concerned.
Promptness matters
When you are punctual in bring with your kids as per your visitation arrangement, it reinforces the thought that these visits are extremely important for you. Kids should feel that their presence is important in your life. Hence you need to focus on them every time you are with them. While visiting them, you should demonstrate them the fact that you consider them as your top priority. How about spending some quality time riding bikes with them or playing badminton? You should understand that your text messages and emails can wait.
Try to avoid arguing with the other parent
Your kids may get very upset when you argue in front of them, particularly when you are picking them or dropping them off at the other parent’s house. It is crucial for both of you to understand that visitation is an opportunity to concentrate on your kids. So, it so essential for both the parties to ensure that come whatever may, the pickup/drop off transition is a pleasant experience got the children. It is better to deal with your differences and conflicts at a different time. You can fix up meetings at a different time to speak about contentious issues with your ex-spouse.
You should remain positive
Show positivity and enthusiasm while speaking about the upcoming visit. Your plans should not be overshadowed due to your conflict with the other parent.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you give a priority to the needs of your kid over your own, you are taking the right starting step towards functioning as an efficient co-parent. Researches prove that kids who got almost equal time to spend with both their parents had fewer trust issues and a higher degree of self-esteem when they grow up. On the other hand, although the agreement for your parental time mentions an unequal division between the two houses, you should contemplate balancing it so that it works out to be for the psychological and emotional well-being for your kids in the long-term.
Additionally, your kid can also benefit when you guide them well. After all, they do not have the necessary clarity of making sound decisions, insight and the wisdom of spending their time with the parents. You need to inspire your kids that they should also spend quality time with the other parent. Your children can be extra sensitive to unkind words and negative body language. Hence you need to ensure that both your words and tone are neutral or positive while speaking about your former spouse while your kids are present.
Your children may develop loyalty conflicts if you and the other parent are not cautious
Although your kids may not be the cause of your divorce, they may feel responsible for the lack or of happiness in their parents’ lives. There could be scenarios when your kid might take the side of one parent and brain against the other parent. Proper understanding, empathy and a good communication channel can make you resolve loyalty conflicts that they could be filling as a result of your marriage break-up.
Assist your children in achieving a smooth transition between two houses
Your child may feel stressful while shifting between two homes. There could be occasions when your kid may feel apprehensive at the possibility of leaving one of the houses and spend some time with the other parent. But this does not signify that your kid cares for any less about the other parents or will not benefit when they depend more time in the other house. It is imperative to note that opposing the transition is not an unnatural response of your kid who is drastically looking stound for security.
When both parents work together to coordinate the social calendars, activities, and school matters along with other areas of your children’s lives, such co-parenting can be an enriching experience for your children. It will generate a positive daily experience with the kids regardless of where they will be staying on a particular day.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
In a majority of scenarios, the couples file for their divorce when they are sick of handling their marital problems. However, the million dollar question is whether divorce is really the ultimate solution to cope up with problems that pop up in a marriage or not. Or does it create more issues in a situation that is already stressful? In fact there are two sides to the coin, which means any divorce has both pros and cons attached to it The problem is that most of the couples just consider the pros and overlook the cons till the time a petition for divorce is filed in the court and when they are in the midst of an unpleasant divorce litigations and the negative impacts of their divorce sometimes. Here are dome f the pros and cons associated with a divorce that you should consider before going to your family court system.
Pros of a divorce
This is not the first time your spouse gas cheated on you. He or she has done it before too and you can easily refer to such a person as a serial cheater. In such a scenario, it is better to bid adieu to your spouse. After all, you deserve will be better off without such an infidel partner in your life.
When your marriage has turned into a violent situation, it is time for you to move on in life without such an abusive partner. In case you do decide to divorce, domestic abuse is the best reason to do so.
Your spouse resorts to name calling dominate and tries to rake over your life and give you no freedom at all. In fact, he or she us a complete bully and you have lost your peace of mind. It is time for you to divorce such a person and start your life fresh.
When your spouse and you do not share a normal, intimate relationship that a couple should have, there is definitely something amiss in your marriage. When you are married to a person who does not feel that sex is an important part of the marriage, perhaps it is time to move on.
Cons of a divorce
Your children can be negatively affected by your divorce. In such scenarios, you can make them feel secured by making their well-being a top priority during and after the divorce. However, you need to understand that your divorce is as tough for you as for your kids to digest.
You may have to face financial constraints during as well as after your divorce comes through. In case you are the male partner, you need to pay for expenses like spousal support and child support. On the other hand, when you are the female partner, your earnings will fall drastically and you may have to struggle to keep things good.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Did you go through a divorce that was highly stressful and marred by conflict? You may have also realized by now that your conflict with the ex may not end even after the final divorce decree. Moreover, if you and your partner have kids from the marriage there could be tensed moments while co-parenting after a bitter divorce. The furious parent could be least cooperative and hostile to work with you even for the sake of your kids.
Moreover, your hostile former spouse may be noncommittal and is not open for negotiation or communication. He or she could be least bothered about doctor’s appointments, scheduling visitations, school issues and health issues of the children. Your ideal response in such scenarios is to not show your reaction and have a low expectation. As a reasonable parent, you may feel like giving in at these times so that the conflict between your spouse and you can be minimal. A reasonable parent may also end up making excuses for the bad behavior of their former husband/wife and hope that things will change in the future.
However, it is likely that nothing will change so it is up to you for handling these tough situations in such a way so that your sanity is maintained and you are able to discharge your parental responsibilities well. Here are some of the ways of doing this.
Take help of a parenting coordinator
It may be possible for your family court in the locality to appoint someone ego will act as a parenting coordinator in situations of high conflict. While this could be a costly alternative, having a coordinator may help you to have a healthier relationship with your ex and discharge the co-parenting responsibilities effectively.
You can ask a family member or a close friend to mediate
In case you are unable to pay for the services of a parenting coordinator, you can ask one of the family members or a friend to act as the go-between for both of you. There could be someone in the family or among your friends who is close to your ex as well as you. He or she may succeed in smoothing out the issues like visitation pickups and drop-offs. The person may write emails and try to act as a mediator to resolve conflicts that may come up.
Do not contact
When your attempts at communicating with your former have been futile and you faced abusive and demeaning languages, you may refuse communication. Try to avoid responding to any such communication, which is humiliating for you and is not respectful. While it may not result in good co-parenting, you will at least have a peace of mind.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Are kids really affected after their parents’ divorce? It is a difficult question to answer for sure. Different children may react or behave differently to their parents’ divorce. On many occasions, how the parents conduct themselves before their kids and how the children handle the situation.
As the rate of divorce continues to grow all over the world, there are quite a few parents who wonder how their kids get affected by the divorce. Though children may come across some of their friends whose parents are also divorcing, they still have problems in coming to terms with the same thing happening in their own family many of these kids lament about the lists of their old family life that they were used to living. This just goes on to prove how affected they could be by their parents’ divorce.
How children may get negatively affected by a divorce
When kids do not get the support that they require while their parents get divorced, there may be some of the negative effects explained below:
Disappointing academic results
Kids may have trouble in focusing and concentrating while they are studying when he or she goes through deep anxiety. They may be depressed and become callous about studying unlike before when they led a normal family life.
Feel isolated
In order to come to terms with the fact their parents are soon getting divorced, some kids are known to isolate themselves completely from their parents, friends or other family members. Such isolation may aggravate matters further as it will give these kids time to ponder upon their parents’ divorce in certain ways, which may not be correct. In fact, they can even blame themselves since they will not like to share their thoughts with anyone rose, eventually leading to depression.
Behave rebelliously
Kids may get upset with what is happening to their parents. Their fury may have a ripple effect while attending school and have a negative impact on their camaraderie with the friends and other classmates. While many parents pay regard this issue as a passing phase, things can take a bad turn if not checked on time.
Bad peer group
There could be situations when some children may start feeling that they are not getting proper care and attention at their homes. So, they will try to get that from elsewhere, like bad peer groups who may have a negative influence on them. Moreover, since parents are busy sorting out their own problems, they may forget to console their little ones.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Getting back on track after a divorce is no easy task. After going through emotional upheavals, restoring back the spark which you once had during your marriage or before it can take time. One of the things that must have crossed your mind after a divorce is “should I date again?”. Well you should if you feel like it but like everything else there is a proper time. But it really depends upon you.
As a single mother, your correct time to date also depends a lot upon your child. That is one of the challenges of being a single mother when you want to start a fresh relationship.
Finding the right time
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been divorced for one month or one year. It’s your choice when you want to date. It’s very hard to tell when you’ll become ready to go out on a date again. As a single mother, most of your free time might be spent in looking after your children.
One of the things that you can try to do is make time for yourself by going out with your friends. Initially leaving your kids behind while you’re out partying might make you feel guilty but slowly you’ll realize that it’s not a bad thing really. When you’ve become habituated to going out without your kids, you can try and meet new men.
Tell your kids about it
Honestly, your waiting period is directly linked to your children coping up with your new way of life. When kids are involved, you need to think from their perspective. Kids show a variety of emotions and sometimes it’s very hard to gauge what might be feeling. And since their mom is concerned, the feelings might be more intense.
Consider legal problems
It’s a good idea to consider any legal difficulties that might be present when you start dating someone. In California, divorces usually don’t last for more than six months but in some cases, it might last up to two years. Now you definitely don’t want to wait for two years before you start dating. But then again, you don’t want to get caught up in legal problems either. The best thing would be to maintain an amicable relationship with your husband and let him know that you are considering going into a new relationship.
Conclusion
As far as dating is concerned, single mothers can find it difficult to decide when to start dating again. As a mother, you should give more priority to your child and then to yourself. When both things work out fine, you’ll know the right time to date.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It is no hidden fact that divorces happen because the relationship that was once pure and strong between two individuals becomes bad. And it’s also true that individuals who get divorced don’t like keeping in touch with their ex unless a child or business is involved. But it’s also true that some people maintain an amicable relationship with their ex-spouse. So how do they do it? Here are some ways how.
Embrace the change and start afresh
Most individuals don’t take divorces well and show signs of psychological problems. But there are some who see it as a change. They take their divorces positively and start afresh. For them, it’s a new beginning and a part of their change is keeping good relations with their ex. If you’re trying to be one such individual, then remember to accept your feelings and embrace the change that life has to offer you. When you were married, you had responsibilities and certain things were expected from you but since you’ve got divorced, you don’t have any inhibitions. You have the freedom of living the way you want to. A new lifestyle will help you reflect on the problems you faced during your marriage and it will, in turn, help you build a better relationship with your ex.
Establish boundaries which you couldn’t do during marriage
After a divorce, it becomes easy to set up physical and emotional boundaries which wasn’t possible during a marriage. Having boundaries allows you to determine the type of communication you want to keep with your ex. You also have the freedom of avoiding discussions which might upset the either of you. Boundaries help build respect and your ex. will notice it too.
Create a new routine
Now you have the time to re-structure your life and create a routine that suits you. Creating a routine will help you avoid anger and frustration. It will also make your ex. realize that you have moved on with your life. This again creates respect and it becomes easy to maintain a good relationship.
Conclusion
Most individuals find post-divorce relationships hard to maintain but there are ways in which you can make it better. Accept your divorce as a new change and embrace it. Create a routine for yourself and follow it. Also, establish certain boundaries and let your ex. know about it. Your ex. will develop a sense of respect for you and your relationship will become more amicable.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorces can be complicated matters and getting caught in the middle of legal problems is common. some people try avoiding divorce cases by going through a mediation first. A divorce mediator helps couples either negotiate divorce settlements or resolve issues that leads to the dissolution of marriage.
However, divorce mediation is not appropriate in all situations. For certain cases where domestic abuse or some kind of crime is involved, courts often start divorce proceedings without a mediation. But it can be confusing for people who are stuck in between and don’t know whether to hire a lawyer or a mediator.
When does mediation work?
California courts always favor divorce mediations and alternatives to divorce because it saves them for going into complicated cases. They can instead focus on more pressing matters. It is the reason why courts ask couples to go through a mediation process before the divorce is finalized.
Mediation processes are successful when the idea of a divorce is mutual and both parties understand what it means for them. Divorce mediations are useful when the couples are open to comprise without any emotional attachment.
Mediation is a powerful process and many marriages have worked out after couples went through a mediation process.
When does going to a lawyer work?
Divorce mediations are absolutely necessary but in some cases, they are not required. In cases where clear signs of domestic abuse or child abuse is involved, mediation is unnecessary. In other cases, where the court feels that a mediation is waste of time, divorce proceedings are directly handled by lawyers. Sometimes, mediators and lawyers are the same person and the roles are intertwined. For such lawyers, it becomes easy to do both without the client or the courts interference.
Conclusion
Since divorces can become ugly, mediation processes that can potentially save the marriage is often used to pacify issues between the couple. Mediation processes work best when both parties are ready to reach a common ground where they can work out things. Often, it helps save their marriage. Divorce mediations also help couples who aren’t too emotional or touchy about the dissolution of their marriage.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Riverside divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Although alimony, which is also referred to as spousal support, is regarded by some as a dirty word, there are still many people who favor it. But there are several states that have rewritten their divorce laws so that permanent alimony can be scrapped.
For several decades in the past, it was usual that after a man and a woman got married, the wife stayed at home and took care of the family to help promote the career of her husband. It was a common practice for women to support their husbands, and when children were born, perform most of the activities related to their rearing. So, if there was a divorce, it is natural to understand why she was awarded permanent alimony. After all, all these years during the marriage, she never had an opportunity or time to develop her professional career.
To cut it short, even today, most of the couples make the emotional choice of having one of them to stay back at home with the kids. While doing so, one of them becomes financially dependent on the other spouse who is the breadwinner of the family. When a mom or a dad give up their professional career and decides to stay back at home to bring up their kids for 18 years, the ability or the opportunity to make a re-entry to the workforce becomes less. Moreover, they will not be able to earn the same kind of salary their spouses are earning.
Many think that these are some of the cases when a spouse should be awarded permanent alimony:
When a spouse unilaterally decides to end a long-term marriage
If the spouse who’s the breadwinner of the family decides to divorce unilaterally from a marriage that lasted for 15 years or more, permanent alimony should be awarded to the dependent spouse.
When the dependent spouse has to look after the kids
In case a dependent spouse has to take care of the kids all alone but fails to get employment and stands at a risk of a drastic change in the lifestyle, he or she should be awarded a permanent alimony.
When a spouse is at a risk of facing financial poverty
If the situation is such that a spouse is exposed to the threat of suffering from acute poverty as he or she lacks necessary working skills post-divorce, permanent alimony should be awarded to that spouse.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When a marriage ends, things can be pretty bad for the children. Some kids are asked to make peace between bickering exes while they are still lamenting over or missing a parent who moved out all of a sudden. There are other children who have to cope up with parents who are suddenly at a loss to handle daily chores such as helping them with a home task or making meals.
There are some parents who feel that once their divorce is through, most of the issues will be sorted out and they can look ahead in their lives. But, even after the divorce, the responsibilities related to parenting are a new experience every day. How successful you are as a parent will depend on how you react to situations, your empathy for the children and the decisions you need to make. Avoid making some of these top mistakes that most parents tend to make after their divorce.
Avoid treating your kid as a messenger
A majority of the parents try to communicate with their former spouses via their kids. Such a behavior can cause excessive emotional stress or trauma on them. It may also compel the children to create a situation that you will not be able to tangle as their parents. It is better to communicate with the other parent via emails, which is a great communication tool these days. Moreover, it will enable you to only focus on practical aspects of bringing up your child and not digress into negative discussions or open old wounds.
Do not grill your kids too much
Parents should regard their kid’s days away with the other parent in the same manner as if they are staying with an uncle or aunt. If you tell your children nothing at all, they can feel stressed and get a feeling of compartmentalization. On the flip side, when you grill or bully them too much, they feel they are in the middle of both of you and become emotionally distressed. Rather, ask your child only general and fun questions so that they feel relaxed.
Try to understand your child
Your children should feel loved, appreciated, and well-understood. As it is, after they see their parents getting divorced, they could be going through an emotional turmoil. So, as a compassionate parent, you should listen to them properly and avoid instructing them to think. Although it may appear tough, avoid criticizing your former spouse. After all, you could then be indirectly criticizing your own kid who is a part of both of you.
Get help from a professional therapist
You should never commit the mistake of venting out your emotions or sharing divorce details with your little ones. Such discussion could make them more anxious rather than appreciating your mental condition. Instead, seek professional advice from a therapist.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Divorce is not easy on both the parties involved and yet it is the kids who suffer the most. Often the conflict of both the parents leads to the subject of visitation quite an ugly one and the transition between father’s house and mother’s house can be a youth one if not dealt sensibly by the parents.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
