A divorce isn’t always the ‘be all and end all’ of a relationship. A relationship can be defined in many different ways. A divorce ends a legal marriage. It takes a little time to get over the relationship. But you wouldn’t always want to cut contact with the person you married. Sometimes you still want to remain in touch. Your partner has been a big part of your life and you don’t want to lose that.
Staying in touch for divorced couples who have shared custody of their children is inevitable. In such circumstances, being cordial and developing a friendly relationship for the benefit of the child is vital. To help you with the process, listed below are a few tips you can employ in your relationship to ensure your transition from a spouse to a friend seamlessly.
Accept and forgive
Changing your relationship status from spouse to friend is difficult. It comes with a host of insecurities and unresolved issues. The foremost task at hand is to accept your ex for the person he/she is and forgive him/her for his/her actions. It’s important to also understand that your partner might look out for another partner or start dating. Focusing on yourself and your life is important for your personal growth and in turn your friendship with your ex.
Time to get over
Divorces can sometimes get really messy. Getting over the person you thought was your soul mate is never easy. Memories, unresolved baggage, and loneliness do tend to get to people. Take some time away from your ex. Start a new hobby or focus on work to create a distraction and give you time to analyze your situation. Seek the help of a therapist and work your way around your emotions to eventually accept the divorce and come to terms with the present arrangement of the relationship. Consult with your Orange County divorce attorney or mediator if you want to make any changes to the present arrangement that you think may help you to improve the relationship with your ex.
Reach out
If it means you taking the first step towards the intended friendship, then go for it. Reach out to your ex and acknowledge your friendship. Communicating each other’s points of view on the subject helps deal with the lost relationship and hones the friendship. Communication gives you a perspective and means to improve the friendship.
Keep in touch
It’s important to maintain the friendship by keeping in touch. It’s vital to hone this rapport if you are raising a kid with your ex. Ensure you keep a contact with your ex. Co-ordinating with your ex over activities, events like weddings or your child’s schedule help build this rapport. A cordial friendship respects the fallen romantic relationship by eradicating remorse or regret.
At the end of the day, your life is all about living it to the fullest. So why live with negativity and regret. Divorce may be the end of a marriage, but it could be the beginning of a valuable friendship.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
If you are getting divorced, it is imperative for you to be cautious so that your credit does not get damaged during the process. Check out some of these common scenarios that you should be vigilant about.
It is becoming too much to make the car payments
The court has declared that the family car should be awarded to the ex-wife. However, she is also supposed to take ownership of the payments. When the couple was married, it might not have been a strain to make those payments. However, now that she is shifting to a new house and has to completely rely on her own personal income, she may end up paying the EMIs late. When payments are not made on time, the credit report may get hit.
None of the spouses paid the due on their joint credit.
When the divorce settlement is being negotiated, both the parties usually settle and decide who will bear the responsibility of paying certain debts, For instance, the former husband is supposed to pay the debt on the joint credit card. When he fails to pay off the debt, collections may receive that account. As a result, there could be significant damage caused to the records of both the parties although the former wife is clueless about what was happening.
No credit as there was no history
In many marriages, only one of the spouses controls finances. On many occasions, the names of both the couples may feature on the accounts. For instance, only the husband’s name appears on the sole credit card and on the mortgage and the wife has to depend on their family checking account. After a divorce is finalized, the said wife may not have any credit as she did not attempt to create her separate credit history during the marriage. It is important to note that credit history is a part of the credit score.
Ensure that credit record are protected
The spouses should realize that credit scores are an important concern during the process of divorce. It is crucial for both the parties to contemplate about personal credit history. They should address relevant concerns in their divorce decree. Here are some of the ways of doing so.
Separate from the joint account
A spouse should ensure that their name no longer features in an account controlled by the ex.
Must have separate and own accounts
One needs to ensure their access to credit. Both the parties should ensure that those accounts have a good history.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Irrespective of you being a man or a woman, divorce can be quite a messy affair. There are emotions such as hurt feelings, anger, and divorce lawyers becoming aggressive to make sure that their clients have an edge over each other. So, it is not unnatural that certain mistakes are committed. This is applicable for dime men who may not take the intricacies of divorce proceedings into their stride. Men may not be in a situation they would like to be in. Thus, it is imperative that they are well-prepared for such situations. Often men may be at a disadvantage both emotionally as well as legally. In such scenarios, they may stop thinking logically and may err while making the right choices. The following are some of those common mistakes many husbands tend to make during divorce.
Retaliate negatively
There are some husbands who become obstinately insistent upon destroying their wives when they get to know that their wives want a divorce from them. While these men may still love their wives, they permitted the torment of their divorce to prevail over their good sense and the urge to punish their wives for leaving. Rather, the husbands should not bad-mouth their wives. Do not listen to those people who keep telling you that she will try to take away your house, children, and car. It may have a negative repercussion when she gets to know that you made belittling statements about her and gives her an opportunity to tell everyone how unreasonable you always have been like this, which prompted her to take such a big step.
Not taking the help of a divorce lawyer in time
In a majority of the cases, it is the women who have the edge in divorce cases. It is better to hire a divorce attorney as early as possible so that the latter can tell you what legal rights you enjoy as a father. They will also guide you on what your behavior should be like when the divorce process is going on. When you gave kids from your marriage, you would like to ensure that your relationship with them remain harmonious. Hiring a divorce attorney quickly should be your key responsibility so that your role as a dad remains intact during and after the divorce.
Unwilling to negotiate
When you refuse to negotiate and mediate your divorce settlement, the expenses of your divorce may go up and your ex-wife may end up getting some of what she had been claiming for though you may not like it. Hence, try to be reasonable and civil during the divorce process.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
When you are planning to get a divorce or going through a divorce, a key area of concern should be how your kids may get impacted by your divorce. Several studies have shown that divorce can have a negative impact on their children. So, it is hardly surprising that parents are bothered about the welfare of their children when they plan to get divorced. How your children may be affected by your divorce depend on the method of parenting that you select. While your children may be negatively impacted by the divorce, there are several ways to avoid such impact.
Behave maturely with your spouse in front of the kids
The manner in which you and the other parent behave with each other while your divorce is underway or after it has been finalized will determine how your children get affected by your decision. When kids see their parents at loggerheads during or even after the divorce they get a feeling that they have also become a part of such conflict.
Children should not be dragged into conflicts
Hence, when you do not want your children to be harmed by your divorce, it is your responsibility to ensure that they are not dragged into the conflicts between you and their other parent. Some parents have a feeling that tensions in a divorce cannot be avoided but irrespective of what their feelings are, it is necessary to take positive steps so that your children do not feel harassed and are not stuck in between two hostile parents. Here are some simple parenting methods after your divorce comes through.
Abstain from doing the following:
Do not use your kids as messengers or to seek information about your ex’s social activities, dating life, and home.
Trying to get the favor of your child so that the other parent is punished.
Utter negative remarks about your ex in front of your children.
Discussing financial issues with your children. These matters could be pertaining to a delayed check of child support; adult financial issues no fund to pay your rent and so on.
Share fault problems about you and your former spouse with the kids. These may include topics like the reasons why you got a divorce, infidelity or details about the divorce proceedings.
Your marriage comes to an end after the divorce comes through. However, that does mean your responsibility also as a parent also ceases. A key responsibility is to establish a positive relationship with your ex for effective co-parenting.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
In case you are contemplating divorce, you may feel apprehensive about approaching a court. Most people feel scared and nervous with the prospect of going to a court and testify before a judge while they are going through one of the most critical phases in their lives. Stress is the last thing you want to go through at this crucial juncture of your life. Mediation can prove to be an ideal replacement for a trial in the courtroom in divorce cases. It is a process that serves its purpose for cases of uncontested divorces as well as for those divorce cases that can eventually become uncontested when a skilled Orange County divorce mediator is involved.
Benefits of taking assistance from a professional mediator
Resolve marital conflicts: Effective mediation can help in resolving marital conflicts between the couples and arrive at a consensus about the different divorce terms. The purpose of mediation is to concentrate on working together and it is not an adversarial procedure. An unbiased mediator guides both the parties while addressing their individual needs and solve their problems.
Spouses can remain in control: Both the parties can choose their discussion topics and define any settlement terms instead of the details being dictated by a court. The spouses have complete control over the discussion process.
Mediation is less costly: Litigation costs much more than mediation. If a spouse has to get the divorce through a trial then his or her divorce attorneys need to spend several hours for appearing in the courtroom and drafting motions.
More flexibility: A mediation process is much more flexible as compared to a litigation process. When you approach a court, you have to be present when your hearing is scheduled by the court, On the other hand, with the assistance of professional mediation, sessions can be arranged according to your own convenience. It is possible to participate in a mediation meeting even via a conference call or an online video chat.
Quicker resolution of case: Thanks to mediation, you need not wait for a date from the court that may take several days. Since you can schedule your mediation sessions, achieving resolution is a faster process and you can start your new life thereafter.
Why mediation is good for uncontested divorces?
Are your expecting to get an uncontested divorce? If that is the case, mediation is an effective process to work out the contentious issues in such a way that proves to be beneficial for all the involved parties like your kids, your spouse and you. It is a process that offers a way to work closely with your estranged partner to sort out all the pending issues without the trouble of approaching a court.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
There are very few couples who like the prospect of getting divorced. After all, when a marriage ends, it is tough for the concerned couple and also for their other family members. Sadly though, for some couples, there is no other choice apart from getting divorced. When such a situation occurs, both the partners may be under stress, saddened and disillusioned. It is natural for some spouses to realize at this juncture that they should save their marriages at all cost. In fact, it is not an unusual reaction. Though situation like this may appear hopeless, it is still possible to save some marriages. Read on how it is not an impossible task to save a marriage even while a divorce appears imminent.
Both the parties need to be vulnerable
The spouses must be vulnerable in order to save their marriage and enjoy a blissful life. When spouses start expressing and being vocal about their inner feelings once again, their hearts are bound to open. Both the parties are reserved and furious with each other when a divorce appears to be imminent. Instead of behaving in this fashion, couples should express their emotions positively. Such an act can avert the possibility of a divorce as they help in doing away with emotional disconnect if any while expressing their love and forgiveness towards one another. There is ample evidence where marriages are found to be crumbling down when couples start being guarded towards each other. So, try to be vulnerable so that sharing your feelings become simpler and romance is back in your marriage once again.
Try to find out what went wrong by entering into discussion mode
It takes a good deal of effort to stop a divorce, which seems imminent. Both the spouses need to work continuously on their strained relationship so that it gets improved and the marriage can be saved. Both the parties should try their best to eliminate any kind of hostility to reach such a point. An easy way to accomplish that is to identify what went wrong in their marriage. When couples attend professional counseling sessions, they can have these tough discussions in an unbiased and productive manner. It is important to remember that the couple should adopt the right attitude so that contentious issues can get resolved in an amicable manner and their marriage can be saved.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
It often happens that during a marriage the wife sacrifices her career to become a homemaker. In some cases, the husband also sacrifices big career choices for the family. But after a divorce such individuals find it hard to get back into the workforce. Spousal support does exist for the partner who is less well-off than the other partner but can it be a source of income?
Spousal support is a type of financial assistance that is provided to a partner as a recognition for his/her contribution to the marriage. Legally married couples are entitled to alimony and the rules vary from state to state. Law courts in California offer financial assistance based on factors like marriage duration, earning capacity of each partner and contribution to the household.
Different types of spousal support
There are different types of spousal support depending upon the spouse’s condition and the amount of monetary help needed by them.
Transitional spousal support provided to individuals who want to pursue training or education necessary for re-entry into the job market. Transitional support is usually awarded in short marriages where an individual may require additional resources to find employment. Compensatory spousal support is awarded to individuals who have made significant financial or educational contributions. The compensatory support is given in only rare cases.
Maintenance spousal support is the most common type of spousal support and is given by one spouse to the other for a specified or indefinite time. Maintenance support is common in long-term marriages where a significant earning gap exists between the two spouses.
Taxes involved
Individuals who receive spousal support are liable for paying taxes. Spousal support is treated as income and tax is deducted according to the amount received. However, under the 2017 Federal Tax law that passed in December 2017, spousal support will no longer be tax-deductible for new or modified spousal support orders made after December 31, 2018.
Conclusion
The spousal law varies from state to state and most courts treat it as a necessity for divorced individuals who don’t have a job. Spousal support is treated as an income and is taxed accordingly. There are different types of spousal support depending upon the condition of the spouse receiving the support. Spousal support ranges from short-term payments to long-term payments and covers individual expenses before they find a suitable job for themselves.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
Epstein credits come up often in California divorce proceedings and as such it pays to know a bit about it. Spouses often learn about these from their lawyers and it is often a contested issue.
Epstein Credit
The term Epstein credit originated from the Marriage of Epstein case. This 1979 case is a published California case. The Epstein credits initially partially became a part of the California Family Code, section 2626. The code states, “The court has jurisdiction to order reimbursement in cases it deems appropriate for debts paid after separation but before trial.”
So, the Epstein credit is basically a form of reimbursement. It offers reimbursement to the spouse who pays community expenses or debts after separation but before the trial. This applies when the spouse pays such expenses with their post separation money. The reimbursement that they receive is actually the other spouse’s share of that particular debt or expense. As example of the type of expense we are discussing here we can consider payments toward a property mortgage. These credits are not limited only to certain types of payments or assets.
Exception to Epstein Credits
There are several exceptions that need to be kept in mind while considering the Epstein Credits rights. There are certain situations in which the family court may not order the reimbursement: They are as follows:
The spouses have a prior agreement that does not allow a reimbursement.
The payment was to take care of the paying spouse’s spousal support or child support obligations.
The spouse who is seeking the reimbursement will not receive it as the payment was initially intended as a gift.
The spouse cannot seek reimbursement for the mortgage payment of an asset that they have been using exclusively.
Each individual case differs from the other when it comes to the use of these credits. Irrespective of that, it cannot be ignored that these credits can come in very handy and be useful in any California divorce proceedings. It can take care of some of the most complicated cases of division of assets and treatment of payments made towards mortgage and debts; an issue that most separated couples face.
It is important to consult a divorce advocate who can provide you counsel on whether or not these credits are applicable in your case and if so, then how you can go about using it in your case.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
This is a point that concerns many couples who are facing divorce proceedings in the State of California. The answer to how long you must wait for spousal support depends on understanding the distinction between temporary and permanent spousal support orders.
Extending the divorce petition
The divorce process in California starts with the serving of the petition. The spousal support request can be filed at the same time as the petition. The court generally issues a hearing date between 30 to 90 days of presenting the request. In some of the California counties, the parties presenting the petition can reserve a date in advance. In the rest of the counties, the clerk assigns a date that is available. The wait time until the requesting parties receive the hearing date depends on the family law judge, to whom the case is assigned. If the judge is busy, it might take longer than usual.
Once a hearing date is assigned and is served, the other spouse files and serves a declaration and finally the matter proceeds to the hearing. Spouses have the option of settling the spousal support matters before the hearing and also at the hearing.
Spousal support on temporary basis
This kind of support means the support that is extend by the spouse while the divorce proceedings are on and before it comes to an end. The spousal support request can be presented in the form of request to order, as mentioned earlier in the article. It is a pretty straightforward process and can be carried out along with the divorce proceedings.
Spousal support by judgment (permanent support)
Spousal support by judgment is not as straightforward as the support on temporary basis. It generally is a result of:
A settlement
A divorce trial
The settlement usually results in a stipulated judgment. If the support is contested and is moved to trial then the judge decides on the amount and the duration for which the spousal support is to be extended. The time taken to reach this judgment depends on:
The duration of marriage
Disputes regarding the finances of the spouse, or cases such as unemployment of spouse in which case it has to be decided if the other spouse should have their income attributed to the unemployed spouse
The standard of living of the couple, during the duration of their marriage
Other issues that can cause the divorce to take longer to wind up
In case of fewer disputes or no disputes at all, divorce proceedings can be concluded in less than six months. Otherwise, it may even take more than a year.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A divorce can be extremely tough even in the most favorable circumstances. Not only does a spouse go through deep emotional anguish, they have to bear the stress of coping with the court proceedings and financial constraints. Apart from these difficulties, you may have to go through even greater troubles unless you do not prepare yourself well Check out a few common difficulties you may encounter in your divorce and how you can cope up with them.
Do not let your emotions make you biased or blur your sense of judgment
Since you may have to go through tremendous stress during your divorce, it is likely that you may not be able to make wise decisions at times. The uncertainty of what lies ahead of you in the future and fury at your former spouse may make you opt for certain decisions that you may not be proud of later on. Hence, the most crucial step you should do at this point of your life is to consciously work towards keeping your emotions in check so that you do not make any rash and impulsive decisions. You can discuss your mental state with those people who you are close to like dear friends or close family members. You can even get in touch with a professional therapist or counselor. It is also recommended to consult your attorney before making an important decision. A good divorce attorney can guide you to arrive at rational decisions instead of making emotional ones.
Stop using social media in an unwise manner
Social networking sites can be a big trap in several ways, especially during such an emotional phase of your life. No matter whether it is you or your estranged spouse who posts comments on social media, it is better to stay off such a platform while your divorce proceedings are on. Alternatively, you can also shut down your account temporarily.
There is no doubt that social media is a great tool to ensure that your friends are updated about your whereabouts. However, it may transform into a medium for venting out your anger and frustration. Now that could be harmful and you may have to face even more problems. The other party may use your posts in the court to make their case stronger. It is also not a good idea to go through the comments of your ex on social media. Such posts can make you angrier and may even hurt you immensely.
To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, What is Divorce Mediation.
A divorce isn’t always the ‘be all and end all’ of a relationship. A relationship can be defined in many different ways. A divorce ends a legal marriage. It takes a little time to get over the relationship. But you wouldn’t always want to cut contact with the person you married. Sometimes you still want to remain in touch. Your partner has been a big part of your life and you don’t want to lose that.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters. 
