L.O.V.E. and Divorce Mediation

By Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Divorce mediation attorneys Orange County; California Divorce MediatorsWhen couples decide to call it quits and file for divorce, their issues, arguments and bitterness tends to have already reached its peak. The job of an Orange County divorce mediator in divorce mediation is to make sure these parties start to bring a little L.O.V.E. to the occasion.  L.O.V.E. here is not what you think it is.  It is a way to ensure that communication, which is the single most important aspect of a divorce, occurs. This can be affected by the long running issues between spouses. To make sure these issues don’t act as a barrier to communication, these principles of L.O.V.E. should be followed by.

“L” is for Listening

When couples fight and argue, they can shout, belt out words, sentences and phrases at the top of their voices. This means that while both the spouses are shouting their lungs out, neither is being heard. All their screams, threats, and reasoning are falling onto deaf ears. This is where the Orange County divorce mediator comes in.

As you come for mediation, the mediator will make you feel heard. They listen to your fears, your aspirations and what you would want the resolution to look like. This helps calm the spouses down for a meaningful discussion.

“O” is to Observe

No matter how long you and your spouse have been married for, the time you have spent with one another is more than the time the divorce mediator has spent with either of you. For them to help you in this case, they will need to make use of their powers of observation. Observing how the spouses act is an important tool of the mediators, which helps them learn the dynamics of the relationship between the two spouses.

“V “is to Validate/Verify

There are times when couples ride on the merry go round of accusations against one another. This can damage the spirit of mediation and the spouses that they have been made against. Hence, it is the job of the divorce mediator to listen closely to what has been said and make sure the accusations are repeated to the spouse that made them and their validity verified. Typically, spouses that make accusations in rage can realize their mistake when they are mellow and retract their statement. This can heal the wounds of the other spouse.

“E” is for Emotional Healing

When people end a long-standing relationship, no matter the hurt and anger they have for the other spouse, there is bound to be some regret and underlying feelings of guilt. In such a bad emotional state, for the spouse to be able to play a meaningful part in an Orange County divorce mediation, the mediator needs to help them along the way to move beyond and try to heal those emotions.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”