Divorcing People Should Focus On Their Kids, Not Their Anger

By Gerald A. Maggio, Esq.

Top Orange County divorce mediators; California divorce mediatorsBy Gerald Maggio, Esq.

Divorces typically are all about the two adults who can no longer get along and who gets what assets, property, and privileges. Even though each spouse might equally love the children, oftentimes divorce can bring out the worst behaviors in a parent. Before, during, and after the divorce proceedings, it is critical to focus on a healthy and nurturing environment for the kids; otherwise, the negativity can have big consequences.

“Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed,” says author Rosaling Sedacca in her book How Do I Tell the Kids…about the Divorce?  “Instead, kids reflect their problems through their behavior – acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce. Take time to see the world through your children’s eyes and you will be better able to meet their needs, understand their confusion or aggression and find appropriate ways to dissolve tension through your conversation and caring behaviors.”

Parental behavior that involves negatively talking about one parent, missing or cutting into the other’s parenting time, or concealing the truth can wreak havoc on a child’s emotional wellbeing and alter their perceptions of how they should act. Children who watch parents say cruel things, lie, and seek revenge can end up being rude, hostile, dishonest, and hold grudges or worse.

Many child psychologists promote that parents must set aside whatever ill will they have towards their ex to effectively be a good parent. Yes, this will involve a daily focus to accept the child custody and shared parenting time. Halting the negative words and interacting proactively with your ex will show that people can be their own individuals and be courteous yet have their boundaries.

Divorce law and child custody agreements are all about the best interests of the children, so the earlier an individual focuses on this fact and has a good child custody attorney by their side will bring about faster and fair results. From visitation and shared parenting rights, to adequate child support and enforcement, a skilled child custody attorney will address all the factors needed for the children.

A schedule must be created so that each child will get to enjoy a normal schedule with each parent as well as specific holidays, vacations, birthdays, and special cultural and religious days. Patience, tolerance, and communication are critical to make the schedule work and ensure that the kids are benefitting from it. The agreement will also detail decisions regarding medical, education, religious, and any other special considerations for the children.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact California Divorce Mediators at (949) 553-0911 or at www.californiadivorcemediators.com.

To learn more about the divorce process in California and how mediation can help, please visit our page, “What is Divorce Mediation.”